By Josef Howard


In a few months the condition came to be known as GRID (Gay Related Inordinate Development) in the press, although eventually the name was changed to AIDS (Acquired Inordinate Development Syndrome). The government ignored the situation at first. Some thought they ignored it because the condition only affected homosexual men. Others thought they ignored it because the new Republican administration was uncomfortable with sex in general. The predicted increase in STDs never materialized. In fact those of us that were infected found that the virus protected us from other STDs. Research into the condition by the medical establishment came to be hampered by the high dropout rate of the research participants once their infection matured and the virus took control of their behavior.

Some people suspected that the condition was caused by some bio-engineered virus that our government had created. Maybe they had been trying to wipe out the queers. No one knew what was causing it, but everyone presumed it was spread by sexual contact. When it hit the press that after heterosexuals were infected they lost interest in the opposite sex, a wave of panic swept through the homophobes. There was talk of a quarantine to protect the uninfected. Some men took unnecessary extra precautions, like not frequenting restaurants with gay waiters, or not sharing drinking cups with people they weren't sure were straight. Many gay men were fired from their jobs in the panic. Incidents of violence against gay men increased.

Most of this was just noise to those of us whose infection had matured. It was like coyotes baying at the moon in the distance. It didn't seem conceivable any of this ever could hurt us. There were twelve of us living in the house at the end of 1982. Not many of us actually slept there every night. Most of us slept with strangers. Aaron, Clint, Antonio and I were the only regulars. When we spent the night with someone else, we tended to bring him home. Sometimes we shared, but mostly we kept the outsiders away from our friends, at least until we had had them ourselves a few times.

No matter how much we fucked around, none of us could get completely sated. We were like tomcats, always on the prowl. I found Buena Vista Park to be a fruitful cruising ground, besides it was just across the street from home. I took regular walks through it that sometimes stretched into hours-long adventures. The park had developed a reputation for sexual activity even before the virus. Under a liberal mayor, the police took a hands-off approach. One police official was quoted in the newspaper as saying, "We don't interfere with what goes on in the privacy of someone's bush." Some of the men who wandered the park made the pretense of walking their dogs. I never bothered.

On a particularly warm winter day I took a long walk through the park. It was one of those December days in San Francisco when the temperature reached over 70 degrees for a few hours around noon. I took advantage of it by walking in a pair of jeans cutoffs without a shirt. My legs were so big that as I walked I could feel the flesh of my warm thighs rub against each other. Of course I got lots of stares.

From the other side of some dense underbrush I heard a struggle and some subdued voices. "What's the matter, queer? I thought you liked me?" I stepped through the bushes to see three men threatening another man. Two of them were holding his arms behind him while the other one punched him.

In an instant, I felt every muscle in my body tighten. My heart pounded like a bass drum at 4/4 time. Without even thinking, I lunged at the knees of the one punching him and knocked him to the ground. The virus had taken control of my limbs, and I was a passenger inside my own body. Before I could give him a punch he'd feel for a very long time, the ones who had been holding the victim down jumped on my back, but the two of them bounced off like flies. My chest heaving with anger, I turned the attacker over on his back and backhanded his jaw. As I stood up, one of the other two took a swing at me with a baseball bat. It splintered and broke in two against my chest. I grabbed the end that was still in my assailant's hands and swung it hard, tossing him into his buddy.

Then I heard a click.

"I wouldn't move if I were you." It was the man who'd been punching. He had a handgun pointed at me.

As though everyone else in the world had slowed to a snail's pace, all the motion around me stopped. My thighs tensed and I leapt at the guy with the gun, but he didn't even see me move until he was down on the ground and the gun was in my hands. When I pointed it at him and stood up, he was terrified. He couldn't believe that anything could move that fast.

"Chill, man. I wasn't going to shoot you," he begged. The man whose jaw I'd smacked was moaning on the ground. The other two men were standing to either side of me, still as statues.

The voice inside my head was took control of the voice from my throat. It was an octave deeper than my own already bass voice. "Then you won't be needing it at all," it said through me. My index finger held the barrel, my thumb was on the grip and I squeezed them together. The barrel of the gun bent in my fingers like rubber. I tossed it on the ground over my shoulder.

"Are you okay?" I asked the victim. His mouth was bloody and his shirt was torn, and he looked dazed, but otherwise he seemed okay. He nodded silently. "You can go now. I'll take care of these three."

He slipped away quickly, and I turned to his assailants.

"They say violence like yours is motivated by homophobia. Well, I'm going to help you confront your fear."

My eyes locked on the man standing on my right. "Walk over to him" - I nodded toward the man standing on my left. He did. "Stand closer," I said. He stood with his nose an inch from the other man's face. "Look in his eyes, at his lips. Ever wonder what those lips would feel like wrapped around your dick? Or brushing against your own? Kiss him."

Their lips brushed each other lightly.


Their mouths opened and they started to suck each other's mouth. Their arms still hung limp at their sides, but I could see their pants start to bulge. It made me hard to watch them.

Though I looked like the puppet master to them, I was really a puppet myself. My words and my deeds were still not my own. My breath came in quick, shallow gulps. My skin tingled. From the way this was making us feel, I knew that the guest inside my body wasn't yielding control anytime soon. Although I write 'I' from here on as I describe the rest of this scene, 'I' doesn't really describe the person who took these actions. I only use the word because the vernacular doesn't exist to describe the entity taking these actions using my body. It is only shorthand.

I pulled the man who had drawn the handgun to his feet and wrapped a triple-thick arm around his neck, holding the back of his head to my face, in a way meant to feel as affectionate as it felt menacing. After a long minute of silence, I reached a hand into the shirt of my captive and pulled it open, ripping the buttons off. I unbuckled his belt, and undid his pants fly. I reached my hands inside his pants and pulled out his dick and balls. They were average. I tugged at them and plopped them down over his jeans. His hands clawed my forearm, but I held him tight. I slid my free hand into his shirt and rubbed his stomach. It was lightly dusted in hair. His pecs were small, but firm. I tweaked one of his nipples and hyper-extended my tongue to lick his ear. "This isn't so bad, is it?" I slipped my hand down the between his buttocks and fingered his asshole. He was clenching it tight. "I could make this very pleasurable for you, but after what you tried to do, maybe our first fuck should hurt like Hell."

I grabbed both his wrists and held them together behind his back and released his neck. He jerked his arms to pull free. "I can squeeze tighter, and I will if you keep struggling. I can squeeze so tight the bones in your wrists will shatter. Or I can yank back when you pull with your shoulders and dislocate both of them." He stopped struggling.

"What's your name?" I asked him.

He didn't answer. Maybe he thought talking would only encourage me. I asked again and tugged on his wrists.

"Tim! My name is Tim."

"Tim, I'm going to let your wrists go. You may have thought you would run away if I did that, but right now you're intrigued by my body. You want another look at it."

I released him. He turned around and stared at me. His eyes wandered up and down.

"I'm big, but I bet I don't look big enough to be as strong as I am, or as quick. But you've never seen a body like this before, have you? Not even in pictures. My skin is so thin you can see the striations of the muscle fibers under them. My muscles are so thick they look like they shouldn't even fit on my frame. I bet you wonder what it feels like to be strong enough to bend steel, or to make hard wood splinter. Maybe you can't feel that right now, but you could feel me. Touch me.

Tim laid his palm on my bulging pec. His dick was pointing straight up by now.

"Hard to believe I could feel so much like flesh and still feel as hard as rock, isn't it? Let your hand slid over the edge of it. Feel that ridge at the bottom of my pec where it bends back into my sternum. Feel the start of my stomach muscles underneath." Tim's eyes were wide as his hands felt the individual bumps of my abs, each of them large enough and prominent enough to be separate muscles, not ridges of the same slab of beef. I set my broad muscular hand on his head on pushed him to his knees.

As he knelt in front of me I undid my own pants and pulled my half-hard dick from inside my pants real slow. His eyes grew wide as more and more of it became visible, and he realized the whole thing was going up his virgin ass. I smiled and my dick jumped an inch as the blood engorged it and it stretched out to its full sixteen inches. It breached the distance between my groin and his face. The head of it bumped against his nose. He dodged it. It kept growing until it hit him again.

"You're going to want to lubricate this as much as you can," I told him. "The more spit soaked you get it, the less it will hurt when I fuck your ass. If your lucky, maybe you'll get it to spurt some pre-cum in your mouth to help out. I wouldn't try to get back at me by biting it, either. Remember how that baseball bat broke on my chest? Well, my dick is just as hard as my chest. You bite down hard and you'll only break your teeth."

I looked over at the other two assailants. Both of their dicks were out and one of them had them mashed together in his hand. The one facing Tim and I dropped to his knees' on Tim's example, and licked his friend's dick, tentatively at first.

I positioned my dick in front of Tim's mouth, pried his lips open with two fingers, and pulled his head forward with my other hand. "Open wide." About four inches of it stuffed his mouth before he could pull away. It was extra hot and wet, and I felt still more blood pound into my penis. I tilted his head back to get a good angle at his throat and pulled out a little. "Take a deep breath." He gasped. I held on to his hair and I shoved. I got about half it in while he gagged. His face turned red and the veins in his neck stood out as far as his eyes. His throat clenched tight around the upper third of my dick. I pulled out of his throat and he gasped again. As I pushed forward again he bit down hard on my dick, but it only made the downward stroke more pleasurable as his teeth scrapped along my dick. It felt so good that I found myself plunging deeper this time and I lost my first load. He struggled to get it out of his throat as I poured a quart of cum into his stomach. On the last squirt I pulled back and put some on his tongue. When I withdrew he tired to spit it out, but I grabbed his chin and held his mouth shut. "Swallow it, pussy-boy! Or the rest of what I do to you will be even worse than what you are already imagining!" He held it in the back of his mouth for a minute. I raised my hand to slap his face, and he swallowed.

I reached down for his wrists and yanked up as I twisted him around. "Turn around, boy. You've only had half the experience." I pushed his face down into the dirt and pulled down his pants. I positioned my cum drenched cock at his asshole and thrust my hips forward. He stifled a scream as the first half of my dick disappeared. He was extremely tight, but that only made me want to get deeper inside of him. I pulled his butt up from the ground and pushed harder. His sphincter was squeezing so tight, exciting me so much I could hardly breath. And as I pulled his ass back toward my groin, I felt his dick. It was hard as iron. Deeper and deeper I pushed.

With half a foot to go he started to push into me and arc his back. We both strained. Inch after hard-won, excruciating inch disappeared inside his ass. His sphincter spasmed, making me want to bury myself inside him even more. Three inches left, two inches, and finally one. When the last inch was buried and his ass clenched tight at the loose skin of my scrotum, I ground around inside him wanting more dick to bury, and he squeezed me tightly, proud he had engulfed to whole thing.

As I started my first, slow backstroke he moaned loudly. His ass held tight to my dick. The intense pleasure made me forget all about punishing him just as completely as it washed away all his fear. Every stroke was almost as good as cumming. I don't know how long we fucked, because we both lost sense of time. Were we both in such a transcendent state that when I began to cum, it startled us both. The ejaculations were long and more forceful than any I'd had before. I grabbed his cock as I continued to fuck him. I hadn't even begun to stroke his dick when he fired off an ejaculation of his own, spraying his own chest and arms. When he finished cumming I was still filling his bowels with my spunk. It soaked my dick and streamed out of his ass on my backstrokes. When I finished I collapsed on his back. I pulled out of him, still stiff.

The other two were in the same position, one on his knees sucking the other. The guy on his knees had his dick out now. He was jacking on it furiously and looked ready to cum.

"Break it up, you too," I told them. "I said break it up!"

The guy on his knees stopped sucking. He fingered his dick a little, then reluctantly gave that up as well. I got them both over next to me. I put the one who'd been getting sucked on all fours with his pants down to his knees, and started the other one licking his asshole. Then I pulled his pants down too, and got Tim started on his asshole. Even though none of them could hold a candle to the guys I usually fucked, the sight of the three of them getting engaged in such an intensely homoerotic activity was making my mouth practically foam. My dick twitched and shot a couple spurts of pre-cum too. I lined them up, ass cheek to ass cheek, and plunged into the one in the middle. It took a couple thrusts to get some good penetration going. On the first poke I only got the head inside. On the second I made a sidelong scrape against the inside of his ass to loosen it up a bit and made it in about four inches. After that I made it in another inch or so on every thrust. The sweet resistance his ass gave was as delicious as the sight of them on all fours cleaning each other out.

Before I got total penetration, I moved on to his suck buddy. He was so heated from his suck session that he practically fucked me. On the first stroke I was halfway inside. On the second I was home free. Once again enveloped in hot, squirming flesh, it was tempting to ride him out to an orgasm right then, but I had other responsibilities.

Tim grabbed my dick before it got near his asshole and guided it home. He tensed his whole body as I pushed in and shook his head like a horse just out of the corral. After just three or four drives, I pulled out of him and went back to my first fuck. This time I was halfway inside on the first thrust. His ass still resisted my thrusts, but he was starting to push back into me as I fucked him. Inside, he felt like a hot, wet, sucking sponge. Every thrust took my breath away. I was fingering the asses of the guys on either side of him to keep them hot, but the sensations he was creating along my dick were distracting me so much occasionally I lost track of the other two completely with three fingers buried in each of their asses. My big fuzzy balls had drawn up tight to the base of my dick. At the deepest point of my strokes they got between the base of my dick and his asshole, making me bounce off of them, squeezing them. Eventually the sensations were too much to resist. I fired an extra long jet of thick cum deep inside of him on the down stroke, and another on the next. When I opened my eyes between shots I saw his dick was firing off too, without either of us touching it.

Still hypersensitive from cumming inside the first guy, and of course still hard, I plunged deep into the second again. My nipples were rock-hard and pointing straight out about an inch as I fucked him. I leaned over him and rubbed my chest against his back as I fucked. He pushed his back against me and squirmed.

"Stand up and feed me your cock!" I said to the most enthusiastic one, the one who had wielded the gun. I hardly needed to finish the sentence. He straddled the head of the man I was fucking, who was still on all fours, and I inhaled his dick. I coiled my snake tongue around it and pulled as I sucked. He groaned and pawed at my head, but he wasn't strong enough to make any difference in its lunges and retreats. The feelings were too intense for any ordinary man to take for long. In less than a minute he shivered and spurted inside my mouth. Rutting like an animal, I came again too.

I sent two of the assailants on their way, knowing they were headed for a reassessment of their sexuality and their politics once their transformations began. The other one, Tim, I took back to the house with me. At the time I thought it was to prevent him from wielding a gun on someone else before he too changed his views, and because I thought he would make a good household toy. It turned out there were other reasons. Over the coming weeks I became quite fond of him and eventually realized that the germ of the feeling had been inside of me that first day.

The anti-gay violence rose for a while as the epidemic grew, but after a few months those of us who were transformed began to take things into our own hands. We began to patrol gay cruising areas and neighborhoods and to lash out at gay bashers. When physical attacks on homosexuals became too dangerous, the homophobes began to spread terror through the media. They claimed that a new gay elite would take advantage of their strength and terrorize the rest of society. A few men who felt particularly confident of their heterosexuality sought out infection to obtain the strength and size increases, confident that they could resist the homosexual urges. At most they were successful for a few months. Eventually they all failed. •

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