By Hoosier Daddy

“Eighty-five years old! Not bad!” As we watched His arms blew up like time lapse grapefruits. I had never seen arms over twenty inches in the flesh before. He raised his arms in a double biceps pose and they seemed to stop growing “Twenty-two!” He said. Then he bounced his pecs in the mirror. Like a picture being morphed his arms swelled into even more definition. “I like the way you think, kid. In case you’re wondering, I seem to remember passing twenty inches on my fiftieth birthday.” Then he grinned at me and flexed his arm again “Correction. Twenty-three and a half!”

That was only two and a half years away. “You weren’t kidding when you said that you were going to inspire me. Hell, I want to go to the gym now!”

“No!” he said commandingly. My voice boomed out of his humungous chest. This is why you will trust Bill with the fact that you don’t think you can satisfy Sally! The massive man nodded toward his crotch and I let my gaze ride down his skin tight shirt to his pants. He pulled down his fly and reached in to pull out a cock easily twice the size of my own.

“Holy Shit!”

“This is Bill’s anniversary gift. He told me it would have been a wedding gift to us if I had come clean with him earlier. As I remember it now - Funny, I remember it both ways. No, It’s more like a dream. I guess you will trust him - Uh, when you take him with you to work out! That’s it. I was part of the augmentation project! And it all started tomorrow! Tomorrow for you that is.” He couldn’t take his eyes off the mirror.

He grabbed the bottom of his shirt and swept it up over his head. When he dropped it to the floor it disappeared. He stood there posing in the mirror as I watched. He rolled his shoulders backward and forward. His enormous pecs flexing slowly under his skin it looked like they were made of bundled cables. Veins snaked their way to the surface showing more each second.

My dick got hard watching this behemoth enjoying muscles I could only imagine. I reached out my hand and felt the granite like arm. For a moment its smooth heat was real under my fingers. Suddenly I was face to face with the old man from the bar.

“No!” He spoke rapidly. “If you get carried away here, a cop’s gonna come through that door and you’ll be busted for public indecency!” He backed away from me like I was poisonous. He pointed to the wet spot on the front of my pants and pointed to the faucet. I heard the sound of someone whistling outside and splashed water all down the front of me. The cold water camouflaged the problem instantly and as the door opened, as foretold, a cop came in.

“Hello.” I was cold and wet and felt stupid.

“Little trouble with the faucet, sir?” He tried unsuccessfully to hide a smirk.

“How’d you guess?” I reached over and grabbed a couple of paper towels and started wiping myself off. “You know your timing is impeachable. I could have been just wet but instead I’m wet and embarrassed.”

“Oh, so sorry.” He swung open the doors to the stalls, looking for someone else. “I heard a voice in here. Sounded like you were having a conversation. But you don’t seem to have a phone.”

“No, I was talking to myself but he had to leave. All’s I know for certain is that I have to apologize to my girlfriend and see if she wants to be my wife.”

The officer smiled at the apparent illogic of that statement and pointed to the door with his nightstick. “Well as much as I love my city this is not a safe place to be at this time of the morning.” He was satisfied that I was harmless and would not be arresting me. “You best be getting home.”

Ignoring the pain in my head I walked past the cop and went straight home. I dialed Sally’s cell phone and let it ring once. Almost instantly my phone rang. “Hi. I just had a long talk with myself and decided that my fears and insecurity are completely separate from my love for you.” I let my words come honestly and soon we were both in tears and I’m not even sure why. We each told the other that we needed to get up early tomorrow to meet Bill’s plane. I decided not to ask her to marry me over the phone. I wanted, no, needed to look into her eyes when I asked her.

The next morning I drove back to Sally’s and we drove to the airport. Her parents were already there. We were well ahead of schedule. We stood by the baggage claim and waited. By the time his flight was due, we had all taken trips to find the bathroom and Sally’s father and I were sent to get coffee. We sat the carriers down on the counter and gathered the sweeteners and creamers and stirrers and then we proceeded to prepare our own.

“Son, you been jumpy as a cat for the last ten minutes. I swear you might think about getting a decaf.” He tilted his head a little and half-closed one eye looking at me like someone peering through a rifle scope. I took a sip of my coffee, burning my tongue.

“Ow. Still a li’l hot.”

He just looked at me, silently demanding to know what was on my mind. My mouth went dry. I poured another creamer into my coffee. I took a deep breath and told him. “I have been thinking about asking Sally to marry me.” I started, barely finding my voice. His smile was all I needed to find it the rest of the way. “I know how old fashioned it is but I’d really like to know that I have your blessing.

“You don’t need our permission. We’ve known that she’d marry who she pleases whether we liked him or not.”

“I didn’t say permission, sir. I’m going to ask her. But I’d like to know that- Hell, I don’t know what I want to know.”

“You want to know if I feel you’re good enough for my little girl.”


“The answer is no. The King of England wouldn’t be good enough. You make her smile and she loves you. And that is good enough. Unlike that horsecock sumbitch she used to date.”


“Son, you had my blessing the first time I met you and you knew the difference between imply and infer.”

“You can thank Nero Wolf for that.”

“I know. That jerk she used to date thought I was impressed with his muscles and - Well let’s just say I’m more impressed with what’s between a man’s ears.”

“Than what’s between his legs? Last night when I went to pick up Sally, he followed me into the men’s room and showed me his ‘reputation.’ I wasn’t sure where that encounter was going to end. I have to admit I chose the better part of valor. We left before Sally knew what had happened.”

“If I know you that didn’t set well with you. Did it?”

“No. It didn’t.”

It was his turn to take a deep breath. “Let me tell you something, and if you breath a word of this to anyone, even Sally, I will have to kill you.”


“We had some friends, the Barkers. Well, we still have them as friends, no thanks to ‘Brent the Bull.’ They had just had a new pool installed and had all the landscaping done and they invited some people over to a pool party. Swimming was encouraged. Long story short: He and Sally are swimming, Marge and I are not. He pretty much made himself the center of attention. Posing like a bodybuilder and such. The man is built like a goddamn tank. Only this one time he’s standing on the diving board. We were at that end of the pool so we didn’t see what everybody else saw. We did notice that his suit had crawled up the crack of his ass. We turned away embarrassed and other people thought we saw what they saw.”

“Which was?”

“Not only were his butt cheeks showing, but his dick had flopped out of the leg of his trunks. Let me tell you there was some whispering going on that night. It seemed like every other time he climbed out of the pool he was exposing himself.”

“Oh, my God.” I shook my head, sharing his mortification.

“That’s not the worst of it. I saw what he was doing. He’d ‘scratch himself’ just before getting out of the pool in such a way that he made sure it was out. The son-of-a-bitch was doing it on purpose.”

“Did Sally know?”

“No. And that’s why you’re not to tell her. Ever. I kept a sharp eye on ‘Bull” from then on. But that’s not why I brought it up.”


“One time he made her angry and she came home for some ice cream with her Dad. That’s how I knew something was wrong. If he had hit her I was ready to go to jail.”

I felt my face heat up with anger. “And?”

“He hadn’t. Sally and I have probably had more long talks about more things than she has had with her mother. So I asked her why she stayed with him. I knew he wasn’t stimulating her mentally. I was relieved when she said she liked his big muscles. I said to her point blank ‘Then find someone with a brain and train him.’ Three weeks later she comes home with you.”

“O my God.” I went scarlet for a different reason this time. “We better be getting back.” I took another sip of my coffee and put the lid on it. We picked up the carriers and started back.

“So you had my blessing from day one. When I found out you had recently started working out and had already lost a bunch of weight I found it hard to keep from laughing.”

“I’m sorry I can’t afford the latest supplements or I’d really be the man of your dreams.”

“That’s not the point. But if you need sports supplements, I can get them for you. I know someone. We’ll talk later.”

“Thank you for telling me that story. I do feel better about certain things.”

When we got back, the carousel had begun turning and bags began sliding down the chute onto it. The crowd waited as each grabbed their bags and left. We passed out the coffee and the ladies sat down on a bench to fix theirs. Seeing them sit there I felt this wasn’t the first time. I looked up at the clock. The flight was exactly one half hour late. I felt the familiar tightness over my scalp and looked over knowing that the next bag would look like. It was bright yellow with big flowers and resembled. . .

“. . . a set piece from Laugh - In.” I turned and there I was standing behind Marge and Sally. “Don’t say anything. They can’t see or hear me. Again.” He looked smaller than he had when I first saw him on the park bench. “If you’re here paying attention to me and not them, it will look strange. Spill some coffee on your shirt and get to the bathroom. Bill will be here in about twenty minutes. There was an on flight emergency. Right now he‘s saving a woman‘s life.” •

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