What was she expecting, I thought, a luxury suite? I plopped the crate of stuff I was carrying onto the bare lower mattress of the bunk bed. Other than that, there were two desks and a closet – that was it. I looked over to see my mom gliding her finger gingerly along the sill of the single window that almost took up the entire far wall.

“Well,” she went on, “at least it’s not too dusty around here.” She glanced around at the blank walls. “I hope you and your roommate have some ideas on how to liven up the place.”

I smiled. “I have a few,” I said, reaching into the crate for a picture frame. I placed it strategically on one of the desks and looked at it fondly. It was a photo of JP and me with our arms around each other, smiling brightly at the camera. We had taken it the day I left and it was my last memory of my boyfriend. I felt my tears begin to well up in my eyes. Shit, I said to myself, my first day at college and I’m already missing him so badly.

“Oh, the room looks better already,” my mom noted the picture cheerfully. I turned around and flashed her a grin of thanks. She was right; JP always brightened up a room.

The rest of the afternoon was spent bringing in my things and getting settled into what was going to be my address for the next year. I met my RA – a friendly girl from Wisconsin named Macy – and went to the bookstore to get my books for the semester. By the time I got back to the dorm, my roommate had arrived and was unpacking his stuff.

“Kevin?” I greeted him, advancing through the doorway. “Hi, I’m Matt.”

“Oh, hi,” he shook my hand. “What’s up?” He said it as if we had known each other for years; that was a good sign.

He was pretty close to what I imagined him to look like: somewhat shorter than I – about 5’8” or so – but sturdily built, dark brown hair and eyes and a slight twang in his accent. I had only spoken to him once on the phone and he seemed like a nice guy. He lived on a farm in central Ohio and was a Biology major. I knew that we would probably get along fine; I only wondered how he would react to my coming out to him.

You see, I was fed up with trying to hide my homosexuality any longer, so I decided that I was going to be out right away. I mean, I wasn’t going to go around shouting it from the rooftops, but if it came up, I certainly wasn’t going to hide it or lie about it.

“So what part of Virginia are you from again?” Kevin asked, bending over a duffle bag, continuing to unpack.

“Fairfax County,” I answered. “It’s right outside of DC.”

“Oh, yeah, that’s right,” he said, emptying the bag onto his bed – some clothes, a few books and a fistful of CDs. “Uh, I hope you don’t mind me listening to country music every now and then,” he stated considerately, holding up a Garth Brooks CD.

I laughed. “No, that’s alright. I have no problem with that.” He smiled back comically. Yeah, I thought, we were going to get along just fine.

That evening, I had to head over to the Conservatory for a freshmen orientation. We were introduced to the faculty and given a ridiculous amount of information. After an hour, I was mentally drained and overwhelmed from all of it. There were just so many things to remember, so many things to keep track of – and that was just for the academic part of it. The trumpet studio, I had heard, was also going to be pretty grueling.

“Are you as lost as I am?” the freshman sitting next to me whispered. I looked over at him and nodded. His eyes were wide as he looked down at the thick folder that everyone had been handed. “Good,” he stated distantly. “I was beginning to think it was just me.”

“Well,” announced the tall, blond female professor standing in front of us, “that should be enough for tonight. I hope to see all of you ready for your first classes on Monday. Thank you.” I breathed a sigh of relief as we were dismissed; this was going to be tougher than I had expected.

I stood up from my seat and began gathering up all my books and papers, a few floating to the floor. I stooped down to pick them up, but another pair of hands had gotten there first.

“Thanks,” I said as I looked up at the person. It was the same freshman who had been talking to me before. He was thin and wiry, a curly mop of red hair on top of his head. I admitted to myself that he was pretty cute as he looked at me with his big green eyes.

“Your welcome,” he answered. “By the way, I’m Ben, musical theater, from Norwalk.” He spoke as if he was nervous, rushing to get the words out.

“Hi.” I shifted my books so that I could shake the hand he offered me. “My name’s Matt. I’m from Virginia.”

“Wow,” Ben exclaimed, smiling awkwardly as he spoke. There was something strange going on in his eyes. “You came a ways to go here.”

“This is supposed to be a good school for music,” I remarked.

“Yeah,” he agreed as we started walking together toward the door. He paused uncomfortably, trying to think of what to say next. “So, uh, what dorm are you in?” he asked, his head twitching anxiously.

“Klein Hall.”

“Really?” he replied, his face brimming with enthusiasm. “So am I. I’m on the second floor, room 203.”

I grinned. “Well, I’m 205. I think we’re next-door neighbors.”

“Sweet! I guess we’ll be seeing plenty of each other.” Ben gushed. By this time, we had arrived at our doors. “Well, see you next time?”

“Yeah, see you,” I returned. “Bye!”

“Bye,” he chirped. Then before he turned to head into his dorm, he caught my eyes and bit his lip. That’s when I realized what was going on in his head.

Ben had a crush on me. Not only that, he seemed completely infatuated.

I returned to my dorm with my head swimming in a dizzying haze. I lay down on my bed and stared up at the underside of the top bunk. This wasn’t the first time someone other than JP had a crush on me, but it was the first time that that person was a guy. I mean, I didn’t feel anything toward Ben, other than maybe a slight physical attraction – he was kinda cute – but the thought still worried me. I didn’t know what to think.

I gazed up at the picture frame sitting on my desk. What was I saying? Ben was just a guy I would hang out with, have something in common with; that’s all. I would never cheat on JP. I was certain that there was no person in the entire world like him. Fuck, how I wanted him with me right at that moment. I wanted him to tell me it was all ok, that he was here for me. I didn’t know how I was going to get through the semester without him.

“How did that orientation thing go?” Kevin spoke up from behind his desk. I hadn’t even noticed him there. He had set up his computer and was listening to music through headphones.

“What? Oh, fine,” I answered vaguely.

“By the way,” he went on, “someone called while you were gone. Some guy named PJ or JD or something.”

I immediately bolted out of bed, making Kevin jump. “It’s JP,” I told him. “Did he say anything else?”

“No, just to call him back around 10, I believe.”

“Ok,” I answered, moving toward my closet to grab my bathroom stuff. I might as well get a shower in, I thought. I absentmindedly stripped off my T-shirt and threw it onto my desk chair.

“Whoa,” I suddenly heard Kevin gasp, “someone works out!”

Feeling my face turn red with embarrassment, I turned toward my roommate and mumbled “Thanks.” But he continued shaking his head.

“Damn, how small is your waist?” he asked.

“29 inches,” I answered, looking down at my abs. “You work out, too?” I was desperately trying to direct the topic away from me. Despite my growth in confidence, I still had trouble taking admiration well.

“Yeah, I did a bit in high school, but I don’t have a six-pack like yours.” He gave a little laugh. “You’re definitely not what I expected you to look like.”

I furrowed my eyebrows, smiling oddly. “What do you mean?”

Kevin bit his lip. “I mean, well, you’re a music major and…”

“What?” I joked. “Music majors can’t have muscles?”

He chuckled ashamedly. “It’s just that,” he went on, “I’ve never seen someone with your definition. You’re ripped, man!”

I rolled my eyes dramatically. “You should see my boyfriend,” I said, gesturing toward the photo on my desk.

I froze and blinked, realizing a second too late what had just come out of my mouth and looked at Kevin to see if he had picked it up…he had. He mouth was ajar, almost as if he was in slight shock. I hadn’t meant to say it; it just slipped.

“Wait,” he stammered, “you’re gay?”

I nodded. “I hope that’s not going to be a problem.”

Kevin smirked and shook his head. “Man, I don’t care. The way I see it, it works out better that way for me,” he grinned. “I just won’t have to worry anymore about you stealing girls away from me now.” We both laughed again.

Well, that was easy, I thought.

“Anyway,” Kevin nodded toward the picture, “is that your boyfriend?” It rolled off his tongue so smoothly, any apprehension I had about him having a problem was gone. “What school does he go to?”

“Actually,” I answered, “he’s still a senior in high school.”

“Are you serious?” he looked dumbfounded. “He looks like a pretty big guy.”

“Yeah,” I smiled fondly, a warmth spreading through me, knowing that I was able to talk about JP freely to my roommate. “He’s 200 pounds, all muscle.”

Kevin whistled, obviously impressed. “You’re kidding, right?”

I shook my head. “Seriously,” I said, quickly finding myself out of breath talking about my god of a boyfriend, “and he’s a wrestler, too.”

“Well,” Kevin smiled apprehensively, “I guess I wouldn’t want to get into a fight with him.”

I grinned again and gazed at the picture. “And I’m so in love with him,” I said under my breath. I quickly took my shower and went back to my dorm. It was almost 10, so I decided I’d give JP a call. He picked up immediately as if he was sitting by the phone, waiting for it to ring.

“Hey, Matt,” he answered, his soothing voice instantly relaxing me in the way that only he could. “How’s college going?”

“Crazy,” I said, “but my roommate’s pretty cool.”

“Did you tell him about…you know?” He knew how much I had been worrying about it and kept telling me everything would be fine.

“Yeah,” I glanced over at Kevin who was busy organizing his books while listening to more music. “He actually took it really well.”

“See, I told you he would.” My boyfriend sighed quietly. “I miss you so much, Matt.”

“Me, too.” I hadn’t seen him in almost four months and I was getting sick of sleeping alone. It was like I was in withdrawal, not being able to lie in his muscled arms, feeling his heart beat against my chest, his soft lips exploring my body. “I need you,” I whimpered, fighting even more tears.

“You’ll be home for Thanksgiving,” he reminded, though I could sense the longing in his voice as well.

“Yeah, but that’s still three months away,” I protested. “I can’t wait that long.” The silence on the other end told me he didn’t know how to respond. He didn’t want to wait either.

“Well,” he finally said, “I’ve been working out really hard over the summer.” My body began to tingle as he spoke. “I’m trying to put on a few more pounds for wrestling season.” I closed my eyes tightly. Could he get any bigger? I thought.

“Stop,” I interrupted him. “You’re driving me crazy, JP.” I heard him chuckle and I smiled warmly. He knew what he was doing.

We must have talked for well over an hour before I hung up and went to bed. That night, all I could dream about was JP. I imagined him lying in bed with me, enveloping me with his massive body. It was probably the only thing that made me sleep.

The next morning, I woke up to the sounds of Kevin ruffling through his closet for clothes. He was only wearing a towel, showing off his husky physique. He had a pretty broad back for his height and his pecs were well-developed. And those arms, wow. His abs could’ve used a little work, though.

What was I thinking? I said to myself, blinking to. Kevin was straight; he probably would not like it if he knew I was checking him out. I hurriedly sat up in bed and rubbed my eyes.

“Good morning,” Kevin greeted me. “It’s about time you’re awake. It’s already 8:30.”

“You farmboy,” I chided, although somewhat annoyed that he was this cheery early on a Sunday morning. I felt like going back to sleep, but I couldn’t now that I was up. So, I got my stuff together and headed to the showers.

It was the typical college dorm bathroom – a line of sinks facing a line of shower stalls. Macy said that it got busy around nine in the morning most weekdays, so I knew I would be trying to go early to avoid the rush. The communal shower thing was going to take some getting used to, especially after having had a bathroom all to myself my whole life. Of course, on this Sunday morning, it was empty – no college kid would ever miss an opportunity to sleep in – well, except maybe Kevin.

I slipped off my boxers and stepped into one of the showers. The hot water felt good against my skin and I daydreamed about JP again, imagining he was there with me, massaging my back and shoulders. My dick was rock hard, but I resisted the urge to jack off. I had promised JP I’d save it all for him. He said that it would make the orgasm that much more amazing.

I don’t know how long I was in that shower, but I knew that I didn’t want to get out. By the time I did, though, the mirrors were all fogged up and I had to wipe one down to see in it. I was just wearing a towel wrapped around my waist and was dripping wet. I looked around and figured no one was going to be walking in anytime soon. So, I used it to wipe myself dry, standing in the middle of the floor buck naked.

Suddenly, I heard an audible gasp from behind me. I instinctively covered my lower regions up again and swung around to see who it was. •