“I’m sorry,” Ben stammered, standing by the doorway. “I…uh…I’m sorry.”

The two of us just stood there facing each other, an extremely awkward silence filling the space between us. It seemed as though he couldn’t take his eyes off of me, even though I had the feeling he wanted to. And I simply didn’t know how to respond. Then, I finally noticed my towel draped loosely across the back of my legs. Quickly, I pulled it up over my ass again. My sudden movement seemed to break Ben out of his trance.

“I’m sorry,” he repeated. “I just lost…I mean, I didn’t mean to…” His face was bright red with embarrassment and his hands twitched nervously.

“You didn’t mean to what?” I asked, a lot more calmly than I was feeling at the moment.

Ben took in a deep breath and gazed wide-eyed at me, looking as if he were about to cry. “Matt, you’re so hot!” No sooner had he said those words, he instantly shut his mouth, his eyes displaying a look of shock. He hadn’t meant to actually say it out loud, I could tell.

“Ben,” I started, stepping toward him, tightening my towel around my waist as I did.

The boy squeezed his eyes closed and continued speaking, pushing the words out as fast as he could. “No, I knew you were gay when I talked to you last night and I always wanted to have someone with me but I never really was attracted to anyone...” He opened his eyes, but his hands were still shaking. “…until now.”

I stared at Ben, not knowing quite what to say. I should have seen this coming. I should’ve known that something like this might happen when I went to college…away from JP. I uneasily brushed my hand through my hair, trying to think of something. But before I could get anything out, Ben continued spilling his guts.

“When I saw you walk into the Conservatory yesterday, I couldn’t believe how beautiful you were and then when you sat down next to me, I knew you were the one. I’ve always dreamed of finding someone like you, but I never thought it would ever happen.” His voice was beginning to crack with emotion. “Matt, you’re just perfect.” A shiver went down my spine at those last words. He could not have just said that!

“Ben,” I interrupted before he could get another thought out – it was starting to make me feel uncomfortable, “relax.”

“Sorry,” he muttered, looking down at his feet.

“No, it’s ok,” I returned quietly. I placed my hand on his thin shoulder and sighed. I knew exactly where he was coming from. I had once felt the same way, before I met JP, before my life changed. But how could I tell him that…he was in love with me. “Ben, I know what you’re feeling…”

“You do?” He peered up at me expectantly, completely lost. I tore my eyes away; he didn’t understand me.

“Listen,” I searched the floor for some kind of invisible answer, “I need to tell you—”

And that’s when it happened. Without warning, Ben suddenly reached up and kissed me straight on the lips. His tongue played with mine as if it was desperate for it. His hands began groping my chest. I was so shocked, I didn’t know what to do. Panicking, I grabbed his wrists and pushed him off of me.

Ben fell back a few steps, his body shaking from adrenaline. He bit his lip hard and looked away from me dejectedly. “I’m sorry,” he whimpered. “I couldn’t handle myself.”

“Ben, look,” I said, trying to stay as calm as I possibly could. It was the first time I ever kissed another guy and it felt completely different from when I kissed JP; it felt empty. “You don’t have to apologize.”

“I’m sorry, I thought you were gay,” he breathed on the verge of tears. “I just jumped.”

“Ben, I am gay,” I confessed. The boy looked up at me hopefully, but a second later I could tell he saw a but coming. “But I already have a boyfriend.”

Ben’s eyes fell. “I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” I assured, stepping toward him again. “You didn’t know.”

He gazed longingly up at me and saw my concern. “I just thought that maybe…” his voice trailed off in a wavering tone of confusion. He sullenly leaned his back against the wall of the bathroom.

“Look, you’re a great guy and all,” I explained, “and I’d love to hang out with you and stuff, but…” How could I say this without breaking his heart even further? “I know what you’re feeling. I felt the same way not too long ago.”

Ben looked at me with awe, his mouth partially agape. He was taking in every word I said.

“I felt like I was empty and not complete. I needed someone so bad, I thought I would die if I didn’t find him.” I felt myself begin to tear up as I told my story. “But then, I met him. His name’s JP and he’s the most perfect person I’ve ever met. He makes me feel strong and he loves me more than anything else in the world. And I could never leave that.” I sighed and leaned up against the wall next to Ben.

“Ben, look,” I continued, “you will find that person. I know it’s not me, but he’s out there somewhere – maybe even on this campus, I don’t know. You just have to be patient…and when you least expect it, he’ll show up.”

I looked over at Ben who was gazing glass-eyed at the floor, digesting what I had just said. He seemed a lot calmer; his hands were no longer shaking. After a silent moment, he slowly shook his head.

“I should’ve known someone like you would already be taken,” he finally said.

“What do you mean?”

He turned his head toward me and smiled weakly. “I mean, look at you. You’re perfect.” I instinctively glanced down at my still-naked torso. “You have a gorgeous body, you have beautiful eyes and you’re a really nice guy. What more could someone ask for in a boyfriend?”

“Oh, please,” I brushed him off, embarrassed. I nervously adjusted the towel around my waist, wanting badly to go put on some clothes.

“Come on,” Ben rebutted. “As soon as you stepped on campus, people started talking about you. The girls on the next floor of our dorm can’t stop gushing about how gorgeous you are, the guys at the Conservatory are all jealous over your looks. It’s not just me.”

I didn’t know what to say to that. I knew that ever since JP and I had started our relationship, I had changed for the better, but I also knew that I was far from perfect.

“You don’t know perfect,” I told Ben amusedly. He looked at me confused. “Come on,” I grabbed his arm and lead him out of the bathroom and down the hall to my dorm. I was going to show him what perfect was, what it looked like. Silently, I peeked my head inside the room. Good, Kevin had left. The two of us entered, Ben following me to my desk.

“You want to see perfect,” I said, picking up the picture of JP and me. “Well, here it is.”

Ben let out a huge gasp as he saw the teenage god peering back at him through the glass of the frame. “Oh my God,” he breathed, unable to take his eyes off of my boyfriend.

“That’s JP. See what I mean?” I asked satisfied. I walked over to my closet, took out a pair of boxers and slipped them on underneath my towel.

“I can see why he’s your boyfriend,” Ben finally spoke up though he was still staring at the photo. I sat down in my chair, gently taking the picture from him and gazing at it myself. He looked down fondly at me; his eyes never looked more serious. “He deserves you.”

“Oh, come on,” I groaned, pinching my forehead with my fingers. I was beginning to get tired of this. “I’m nothing compared to JP. He’s 200 pounds of muscle, he can bench like 450.”

“Ok,” Ben admitted, his neck twitching at my boyfriend’s statistics, “so he’s bigger than you. But hasn’t it ever occurred to you that maybe that doesn’t matter to him.” I made a face like I didn’t understand what he was saying. Now it was his turn to explain. “Look, you’re what, 175 pounds?”

“160, actually,” I corrected him, feeling my face blush.

“Ok, 160 pounds and you have one of the most amazing bodies I’ve ever seen.” He scanned my chest and abs as he spoke. Flustered, I attempted to hide my torso by hunching over with my elbows on my knees; I wasn’t used to this kind of adoration. “To many people, you’re perfect, even if you may not think it,” he went on, “but I think to your boyfriend, you’re perfect in a completely different way. And that’s all that matters, isn’t it?”

I gazed up at Ben in awe. Though a little awkwardly, he hit it right on the head. I was sometimes so worried about how JP thought of me, how I looked compared to him, I would completely forget that he didn’t care a shit about all of that. JP loved me for who I was. I could’ve been a scrawny, little wimp and he’d still love me the same.

“Ben,” I smiled, “that may have been the most beautiful thing anyone has ever told me.” Ben’s face turned red.

“You forgive me, then, for jumping all over you,” he said hopefully. I nodded.

From that point on, Ben and I were great friends. We hung out together, studied together – we had many of the same classes freshmen year – and ate meals together. Although, I did things with Kevin as well, Ben was always someone I knew I could trust. Maybe because we both shared something in common; we both knew what it was like to be missing that part of us, that total feeling of love in our life. I just happened to have found mine. And knowing me gave Ben that hope that possibly he would find his. Every now and then, though, I would catch him gazing wishfully at me – especially if I was wearing clothes that gave off a hint of my body beneath – and I knew he still had a huge crush on me. But I also knew he respected me and my love for JP. He wouldn’t ever dare disobey that respect.

The first two months of college flew by and before I knew it, Thanksgiving break was nearing. I had comfortably settled myself in dorm life and in the Conservatory. I was surprised about how popular I actually was; everyone seemed to know me. Ben kept telling me it was because I was “drop-dead gorgeous,” and, well, maybe there was an inkling of truth in that, but it – living so far away from JP – was so much easier than I thought it would be. It made the nights without him bearable. Plus, almost no one had a problem when I came out to them, though Kevin told me that a few girls apparently were heartbroken.

“Do you need a ride to the airport?” Kevin asked me the morning that I was scheduled to leave for home.

“No,” I answered, “I’ll call an airport shuttle. You’d have to stay longer to take me anyway.” I put the last of my things in a suitcase and zippered it shut.

My heart was leaping at the prospect that I would soon be seeing JP for the first time in almost six months. My body was aching to be held in his huge arms, feeling our bodies entwined in passion. In fact, my dick was rock hard just thinking about it. I had promised him the best sex I had ever given him when I got home. Therefore, I hadn’t so much as jacked off the whole time I was away. He always told me that made for the most amazing orgasms.

“Well, then,” Kevin went on, heaving his duffle bag over his shoulder and heading toward the door. “I guess I’ll see you on Monday.”

“Yeah,” I said. He really was the greatest roommate I could’ve ever asked for.

“Say hi to your boyfriend for me. I still would love to meet him. You know, to get a few workout tips from,” he added quickly.

I grinned. “Sure, no problem.”

Hours later, I was on the Metro train pulling out of the National Airport station. My excitement rose more and more as the houses whizzed past the window, each second bringing me closer and closer to reuniting with my boyfriend. My mom picked me up in Franconia-Springfield and drove me back home. I was practically oblivious to our conversation, thinking only of JP. As soon as we arrived at our house, I threw my luggage into my bedroom and jumped into my car.

My heart was thumping louder than I ever thought possible as I half-jogged up the walk to JP’s front door and rang the bell. Erin greeted me with a shriek.

“MATT!” she squealed, vaulting her arms around my shoulders and taking me by surprise. “How’s college been going?”

“Great,” I said, looking at her brightly. Just like her brothers, Erin was a vision to behold. Her pants tightly hugged her shapely hips and her shirt displayed her full breasts seductively. But her eyes were the same stunning blue that haunted my dreams – the same blue as JP’s. I knew I would have been stoned stiff if I had been straight.

“JP’s really been looking forward to you coming home,” she gushed, leading me into the front hall. “And Nick…” Her eyes glassed over at the utterance of her boyfriend’s name. She sighed. Apparently, Erin was still completely in love with the kid – somehow, that didn’t surprise me.

“Erin? Oh, Matt’s home!” a voice boomed from behind me. For a split second, I thought it was JP, but when I turned, I saw that it was someone else. And it took me another split second to realize who that someone else was – Nick.

Holy shit! Nick Angelakis had gotten HUGE! The face still held the cuteness of the little kid I had known in high school, but everything below it had seriously grown up. His neck was thick and filled with muscle, his slender traps were shredded and his shoulders looked like round, striated melons. The T-shirt he was wearing had been torn away at the sleeves, making room for the two small slabs of muscle that were his lats. And his chest filled the rest of the space with such presence, you could see the sides of his pecs peeking out from behind. And then there were his arms, packed with steel and vascular beyond belief. His forearms were wrapped in veins and his biceps bulged alarmingly. He had obviously been working out when I arrived as his body was covered in sweat and his hair was matted to his forehead.

“Wow!” I gulped, making Nick beam with pride. “You look fantastic!”

“Thanks,” he answered. His voice had deepened considerably as well. “JP’s been teaching me a few things.” That’s an understatement if I ever heard one, I thought to myself.

“How much do you weigh now?” I asked him.

“I believe about 155.” I blinked. The kid weighed almost as much as I did! He had to have been all muscle…just like JP. Then, Nick raised his right arm and flexed it right in front of me. “Check it out,” he exclaimed proudly. “14 and a half inches. They’ve grown an inch and a half over the summer.” I shivered at the familiarity of this scene, remembering JP only two years ago. Nick’s bicep was huge and peaked. “Not bad for a 13 year old, huh?”

My mouth dropped open. “You mean, you’re still 13?!”

“Yeah, I don’t turn 14 for another three months yet,” he said, smiling broadly.

“I know, he’s so hot,” Erin spoke up. I looked over at her as drool was practically dripping down her chin. Nick ogled her back awestruck. The girl stepped toward him and lovingly placed her hand on his pumped bicep. “I love watching these muscles grow bigger and bigger.” The two gazed longingly into each other’s eyes. They were the epitome of teenage perfection…and they were barely teenagers.

“Ok, get a room, you two,” I joked. “I’m here to see JP.”

“Oh, yeah,” Nick blushed. “He’s downstairs. We just finished working out. You should see how big he’s gotten.” The reverence in the kid’s voice made every nerve in my body tingle.

I left the pair and headed down the basement steps. The sounds of grunting and the clang of metal hit my ears and my cock immediately began to stiffen. As I reached the bottom, I smelled the stench of jock and my dick now started to throb. Pretty soon, I wouldn’t be able to take it any longer.

Slowly and quietly, I entered the gym to the sight of my god boyfriend squatting an unimaginable amount of weight, his face red and grimaced with determination, sweat pouring down every crevice of his body.

And then, I blew my wad straight to the bottom of my jeans. •