Ah! My God

By Josh Arima

“Are you having fun yet?” Mikey screamed at Josh over the music.

Hardly, Josh thought to himself. He sat back and looked away from his friends. He wondered silently when his definition of fun would have shifted to hanging around a seedy bar watching his friends get drunk of their asses while he wasn’t allowed to even touch a drink because he was somehow voted the designated driver.

His head was splitting suddenly from the music blaring out of the floor-to-ceiling speakers positioned precariously behind his head; he could feel his lungs slowly dissolving from the bass vibrating throughout his body. He wanted to sit in the corner, but his “friends” dragged him down onto the dance floor and sat at the table crowded between the coat check and the DJ, just so they could be closer to the bar.

Finally the music stopped, if only for a few blissful minutes while the DJ took a break, although, the noise level in the bar stayed exactly the same, as though everybody in the bar was trying to talk over every other person.

“Can we leave now?” Josh yelled to Jon, who was sucking the face off of some random woman, his most recent conquest.

“Why? Aren’t you having fun yet,” he asked in-between breaths.

What, is that the theme of the night? Josh asked himself as Jon went back to making out.

Josh had only agreed to come tonight because his friends said that they would go to a gay bar. All right, so it technically was a gay bar, but only by reputation. It may have been an actual gay bar years ago, but it was a hole that only doctors and lawyers over fifty came to, and they just sat around and ogled each other while sipping their scotch and talking about how much they lost on the stock market that day before they paired off and went back to their cars and argued about who was going to suck off who, all while watching the time so they could make sure they got home before their wives finished their game of Bridge.

Now, because of it’s history, the owners of the bar thought it would be “neat” if they bought a new neon sign for the bar and played techno dance music all night and hired local muscle-heads – local straight muscle-heads – to serve drinks, all while wearing no shirts and the tightest jeans they could find.

Josh wasn’t exactly complaining about that last part, but the waiters were all too busy flirting with every girl they could find for Josh to fully appreciate them.

So maybe Josh sounded a little bitter: so what? He deserved to be bitter. The night he came out to his parents, they yelled at him, told him he was awful for telling such a filthy lie, and then died in a car accident on their way to a dance.

That was two years ago. He was in his first year of college when it happened, and he hadn’t been back since. His father had life insurance, but it only gave him enough money to pay off the mortgage on the house and the car, which was wrecked in the accident. Now, he drove a piece of shit Honda, and rented out a room to his old high-school friend Jon, who seemed to keep forgetting to pay him.

So essentially, he had no college education, he had no parents, he worked in the local mall, and he had a deadbeat living with him in his dead parent’s house. His life officially stank.

“Jon, I want to go home,” he whined loudly. Jon continued making out, though.

Josh sighed loudly, attracting the attention of the nearest waiter. He quietly shook his head as the waiter asked him if he wanted anything. He still stared at the guy’s ass as he walked away, though.

Josh was depressed enough, he didn’t need to hang around a dozen gorgeous half naked waiters that he could never have. If that wasn’t bad enough, the bar was filled with men that looked like they came off of a Calvin Klein underwear box. Josh’s neck hurt from looking around. He felt like a kid in a candy store, but all the cases were locked.

Josh was tall and skinny, with long brown hair and green eyes; kinda cute, in that boy-next-door way. Average in every respect; every respect. And that really sucked, because he was totally into muscle. He loved big arms, huge fucking biceps, raised veins snaking their way around the muscle. Pecs, lats, bubble butts…he loved it all. He was obsessed with abs. If he could look at hot, deeply cut abs for the rest of his life, he would die a happy man. But what he really wanted was to have huge muscles.

He fantasized about being huge, about getting huge, about how good it would feel. He read stories online about guys taking pills and getting big, or about being granted wishes or switching bodies with fucking muscle gods. Sometimes, when he was lying in his room, he could practically feel himself getting bigger. He had read thousands of stories, fantasized a thousand scenarios, but nothing like that ever happened to him. He, unfortunately, lived in the real world.

The music started pounding again, reminding Josh of his splitting headache. He stood up and walked around the table.

He looked down at Jon and screamed, “That’s it! I’m leaving!”

“I don’t want to leave yet,” Jon replied, looking pissed off. Josh tried to stand up to him, but he was a total wimp. Well, he thought to himself, I did promise to drive him home.

Josh reached into his back pocket, grabbed his wallet and pulled out his last five bucks.

“Here,” he said, silently saying goodbye to the money he knew he would never get back, “I’ll LEND you five dollars so you can get a cab when you’re ready to go home.”

Jon grabbed the money out of Josh’s hand, shoved it into his pocket and went back to fingering his girlfriend under the table. Josh stared at him for a second, expecting a goodbye, or at least a “fuck off”, but Jon just ignored him.

Josh sighed and walked away. He got his jacket from Coat Check, wormed his way out the front door, and made his way to the car. He fumbled around for his keys, nearly tripping over an empty beer bottle. As he approached his car, he noticed what looked like vomit spread artfully across his windshield, as if someone had done it on purpose. It wouldn’t surprise him, really. He was actually surprised it didn’t spell out “FAG”.

He turned the car on, washed the windshield until he ran out of fluid, and drove away.

Josh reached into his coat pocket and pulled out his walkman. He plugged in the tape adapter and rooted around in the dash for a cd, all while trying to keep his eyes on the road. Finally, he pulled out his new Nine Inch Nails cd, threw it into the walkman and hit play. He laid the walkman down on the seat and stared at the road in front of him.

There were no houses in sight, so there were no street lamps, and it was threatening to rain, so the road was pitch black. He could barely see out the windshield, probably because he had really shitty wiper fluid. It was cheap, and he didn’t think about how well it would clean vomit when he bought it.

Josh seethed with rage suddenly, hating the whole world for his fucking awful life. He wanted to start screaming, but he knew if he did, he would never stop.

Then, almost on cue, his car completely died.

“Fuck…” he muttered under his breath as he pulled to the side of the road before the car rolled to a stop.

He pushed the door open, stepped out, and slammed the door shut with every ounce of strength he could muster. He walked in front of the car, the headlights reflecting off the steam pouring out from under the hood. He reached under the hood and lifted it up. Smoke billowed up into his face; he tried waving it away, but realized it was pointless because even if he could see the engine, he didn’t have a fucking clue what to do to fix it.

The rage he felt earlier surged again, and he couldn’t suppress it this time.

“FUCK YOU, you stupid FUCKING piece of SHIT car!!!!” he screamed at the top of his lungs while kicking the car as hard as he could. He ran his hands through his hair; he considered ripping it out just so he could have something to throw at the car.

Just then the sky lit up and he heard a crack of thunder. It didn’t start raining, but it wouldn’t surprise him if it did. This was just another typical day in the shitty life of Josh Parker.

The headlights of an approaching car blinded him suddenly. He looked up and squinted his eyes; he shielded his eyes with one hand while he waved the other one wildly in the air, praying that the car would stop.

The approaching car slowed and pulled up behind his car. He heard the unmistakable sound of a car door slamming and saw someone walking towards him.

“Hey,” Josh said loudly, “thanks for stopping. My car just died; hopefully you know something…about…”

Josh’s voice trailed off as he got a look at the guy walking towards him. He was just as tall as Josh, but he was at least twice as wide. He was fucking ripped. His chest was huge; it threatened to tear away the shirt that was almost obscenely tight. His lats were so big that they pushed his arms out from his body; he was swaggering as he walked because his legs were like tree trunks, and his jeans were so tight he could make out all of the contours of the muscle in his thighs, not to mention the huge bulge straining against his crotch.

Nothing could prepare him, though, for the face he saw staring at him. This guy was fucking gorgeous. He had short black hair, a wide smile with dazzling white teeth that betrayed a bold confidence; a strong jaw-line, and dimples. But it was his eyes that really took Josh’s breath away. They were an icy blue, but they were so bright, as if they were lit by some unknown source. He couldn’t seem to look away.

Josh cleared his throat and looked down at his feet.

“Hey,” he said meekly, “thanks for pulling over.”

“No problem,” the guy said with a beautifully deep voice, “I’d never pass by a guy in need.”

He looked into Josh’s eyes for a second, his smile broadening ever so slightly before he stepped around him and leaned in to look at the engine.

Josh sighed wistfully and, praying that he didn’t say something stupid, turned around and stood behind the guy.

“Has this happened before?” he asked.

“Uh, yeah. It’s a pretty reliable piece of shit.”

The guy laughed and stepped back. He stared intensely at the engine for a second before looked up at Josh and smiling. “I don’t think there’s much I can do here, buddy. But I can give you a lift home.”

“Oh, no,” Josh said, trying as hard as he could not to stare at him and hide the raging hard-on he was sporting, “Don’t worry about that. I’m just up the road from here, I can walk.”

The guy smiled and rested his hand on Josh’s arm. “Don’t worry about it, ok? I’m going that way anyways, and I think it’s going to start raining.”

He had barely finished speaking when the sky opened up and biblical proportions of rain fell down on top of them. Josh stood still and soaked up the rain, a bitter smile spread across his face. “I hope you have a raft.”

The guy smiled and headed towards his car while Josh followed.

“So,” the guy said as Josh stepped inside the car and shut the door behind him, “I don’t think I introduced myself. My name is Alex.” He smiled and extended his hand. “And you are…?”

Josh brushed the wet hair out of his eyes shook Alex’s hand. “My name is Josh. It’s nice to meet you, Alex. And thanks for the drive.”

Alex smiled, holding Josh’s gaze steadily, definitely longer than courtesy required. “No problem,” he said, “I don’t mind at all.”

Alex put the car in drive and pulled around Josh’s car. Josh stared down at his feet, desperately trying not to stare at Alex’s body. His hands were shaking; his heart was stuck in his throat.

Why did Alex hold his gaze for so long? Surely Alex wasn’t attracted to him…that was just ludicrous. Bodybuilder types always dated other bodybuilders. And why wouldn’t they? Why would they waste their time with scrawny nerds like Josh? Especially when they were as gorgeous as Alex.

“So,” Alex said, breaking the uncomfortable silence Josh had just noticed, “where exactly do you live? I don’t want to pass by it.”

“Oh,” Josh said, “it’s the last house on this street on the right. The one with the lights at the end of the driveway.”

“Great.” Alex said.

Josh turned to look at Alex. Once again, their eyes met. Alex turned to watch the road, but Josh continued to stare. He was totally mystified by this guy. He didn’t remember seeing him ever before, because he would totally remember a guy this hot, yet he seemed strangely familiar.

“Is it this one here?” Alex asked, pointing to the driveway to Josh’s house.

“Uh, yeah that’s it.” Josh replied.

Alex pulled into the driveway and slowly pulled up to the house. The car came to a stop; Alex put the car in park and turned to look at Josh.

“Well,” he said, “here you go.”

Josh smiled and reached blindly for the door handle, not able to take his eyes away from Alex. Alex remained quiet and just stared at Josh intently, smiling the whole time. Josh could see Alex’s nipples pushing against his wet shirt.

“Listen,” Josh said with a gulp, “you should come in and dry off. I feel bad that stopping to pick me up got you soaked. Why don’t you come inside and dry off before you leave? I’ll make you a cup of tea, or something. Please…”

Alex just smiled and undid his seatbelt. “That sound’s great. Thanks.”

Josh smiled weakly and stumbled out of the car. He reached in his pocket and tried to keep his hands from shaking as he pulled out his house key.

Alex followed him up the stairs to the front door. As they stepped inside, Josh turned on the lights and looked around the house, expecting some sort of comment fro Alex. He turned to look at Alex, and saw that he was staring intently back at him.

Josh smiled and looked away, feeling suddenly uncomfortable.

“Um, the bathroom is upstairs” Josh said. “I keep the towels up there. And don’t worry about dripping”

Josh threw his shoes in the closet and made his way past Alex. The porch wasn’t very big, and Alex wasn’t small by any means, so he literally had to squeeze his way past Alex. It was like trying to squeeze between two walls; Alex just a solid mass of muscle. Josh felt electricity run through his whole body; he nearly came just by touching Alex.

Josh finally got past Alex and started climbing up the stairs. He could hear Alex following, and he could feel his eyes watching him.

Josh flicked the light in the bathroom on and reached behind the door and grabbed a towel from the closet. He turned around and gasped.

Alex had taken his wet shirt off held it in a ball in his hand. Josh felt light-headed; his hands were shaking and beads of sweat were sliding down his face.

Alex appeared to be carved out of marble. His pecs were massive. His arms were unbelievable; Josh could see them tensing with every breath Alex took. His biceps were like baseballs with veins running across the surface. And though he nearly fainted looking at them, his eyes wandered down to Alex’s abs. Josh started salivating as his eyes absorbed every glorious inch of them; his eyes traced a path through the deep crevices between each muscle, then tracing the sex lines down beneath his jeans, where Josh could see the obscenely large outline of Alex’s cock pressed against his leg.

Josh was completely enraptured; he had lost all sense of time. It seemed he had been starting at Alex for an eternity when Alex quickly closed the distance between them and kissed Josh. He pushed his tongue into Josh’s mouth while his hands reached down and massaged his swollen cock.

Josh was completely stunned. He remained still even as Alex kissed him as passionately as anyone ever had.

Finally Alex drew away from Josh and smile. He reached up and ran his hand through Josh’s hair. “You’re an amazing person,” Alex said quietly, his hand resting on the back of his neck.

Josh wanted to smile, wanted to say something, anything, but he couldn’t. He was completely frozen. He tried desperately to move any part of his body, his arms, his legs, his toes even. He couldn’t even speak. He started to panic, but he still couldn’t move. He suddenly got very hot, and his stomach starting to knot in pain. Alex must have seen the panic in Josh’s eyes, because his expression became very soft.

“Don’t worry, Josh” Alex said softly, “I’m here to make all your wishes come true.”

Josh cried out in pain. Every muscle in his body was burning. He thought he would burst into flames.

Alex ignored his cry of pain and turned Josh’s body to face the mirror that filled the entire wall to their left. Josh looked on in pain and utter fascination as his body began to change.

His hair turned completely black and shrank into his head, stooping at an inch away from his head. His jaw grew more prominent, as did his cheekbones, and his eyes changed from green to an icy blue.

But that was nothing compared to the changes his body was experiencing. He had been wearing a loose t-shirt, but it looked about two sizes too small now. Josh heard a ripping sound and watched in amazement as his t-shirt ripped into pieces that fluttered to the floor. Josh’s body was inflating, like a balloon being filled with air, and as it did, Josh could feel the strength of his new muscle flowing through his body. Veins were popping up all over his arms as the muscles that were once non-existent rippled and grew.

As his body continued to grow, the pain Josh felt melted away and was replaced by euphoria. He could feel his jeans getting tighter and tighter, and he watched in erotic pleasure as Alex grabbed Josh’s jeans by the waist and ripped them in half effortlessly. Josh stared at his thighs as they rippled and grew. His briefs now looked like bikini underwear because the muscles in his legs made them bunch up so much. But his gaze was suddenly drawn to his crotch. He watched as the bulge in his underwear pushed out farther and farther, so much so that Josh wanted to laugh.

Alex reached out, around Josh’s waist to rest on his abs. He ran his hands across Josh’s washboard abs, down towards his straining underwear and yanked them down to his knees. Josh’s huge cock bobbed out and arched down towards the ground. He loved the weight of it.

Josh laughed, his voice sounding much deeper, as he realized his new cock wasn’t even erect. He saw Alex smile as he took Josh’s cock in his hand and started stroking it. Josh could feel every stroke run through his whole body. He moaned softly and looked into the mirror. He saw Alex staring back at him…but Alex was behind him, wasn’t he?

Josh was in awe. He looked exactly like Alex. He stared in disbelief at his own reflection. Alex let go of Josh’s now fully erect cock and moved to stand next to him. Josh found he could move his body again and turned to look at Alex, his cock smacking against Alex’s arm and bouncing around before resting against his abs. Josh looked into Alex’s eyes.

“What happened?” Josh asked, his voice resounding through his body.

Alex smiled. “Like I said, Josh, you’re a good person. You deserved to have your wishes come true, and I was sent here to do just that.”

Alex started to run his hands across Josh’s chest, pinching his nipples before moving down to grab his cock with both hands.

“I’m from the God Society. We’re beings that watch over humans and look for injustices to correct. I found you, and saw how much injustice you suffered throughout your whole life, and I knew you deserved better. So here I am.”

Alex leaned in and kissed Josh. This time Josh could move and kissed Alex back heatedly. But he reached out and pushed Alex back. Alex just smiled and stepped back, knowing full well what Josh really wanted.

Josh turned to face the mirror. He stared at his new body and started laughing. He lifted one arm and flexed his bicep.

“Fuck, yeah” Josh grunted as he lifted his other arm and flexed both biceps. He ran his hands across his chest and down across his abs. He traced the outline of his abs with one hand while the other hand grabbed his now 12” long cock. He could barely fit his hand around it. He started stroking slowly while his other hand explored his new body.

His stroking got faster and faster, and he started breathing heavily.

“Fuck…oh man…I’m so fucking huge…I’m such a fucking muscle stud…oh fuck, I’m gonna cum!”

Josh moaned loudly as his dick started to twitch; cum sprayed all over the counter and the mirror. Josh was completely out of breath, his whole body quivered from the most powerful orgasm he ever experienced.

He felt Alex’s hands on his back; he smiled and turned to face Alex. He placed his hands on his huge pecs and pushed him out of the bathroom, across the hall into his bedroom.

Alex fell back onto Josh’s bed and smiled as Josh unbuttoned his jeans with his teeth.

Josh awoke to sunlight beaming onto his face. He remained still for a moment, reflecting on the wonderful dream he had just had. In it, he and Alex had passionate sex all night long. Alex knew every inch of his body, so he spent the whole night formally introducing it to Josh, who was completely identical. He sighed wistfully, wishing that it could have been real.

Then he felt someone shift around next to him, and he opened his eyes with a start and leapt out of bed. He looked down at his body and saw that he was still huge. It wasn’t a dream!

He looked back to his bed and saw a complete stranger sitting there. This guy wasn’t Alex, but he was just as gorgeous, with an incredible body, beautiful long brown hair and emerald green eyes.

“Who are you?” Josh asked, his voice still deep and sexy.

“It’s me,” the man said with a smile, “Alex. You didn’t think we could live together and look exactly the same, did you?”

Josh stared at him in disbelief. “We live together now?”

Alex laughed and stood up. Josh couldn’t decide whether to stare at his eyes, or his semi-hard cock that hung halfway to his knees.

“I fell in love with you while I was watching you,” Alex said as he put his beefy hands on Josh’s waist. “You really are an amazing person. I left the Society, with their blessings, of course, and I decided to grant your every wish, in the hopes that you would love me back.”

Josh smiled and kissed Alex deeply. “I think I can manage that,” he said, barely able to contain his excitement at his good fortune.

“Wanna fuck?” Alex asked as he grabbed Josh’s dick with both hands and bit down on his lower lip.

“Sure,” Josh replied. •

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