We'd gotten a call from a woman who said that her grandson had been turned into some muscle-bound freak by these two guys who were doing a TV show over at Metropolitan Studios. She said that they'd injected her grandson with some sort of "super steroid" (her term), and that almost immediately he'd grown to elephantine proportions - not in body height, just muscle mass... she was upset beyond belief... we thought she was nuts. However, one of the gals in the secretarial pool said she'd seen the show, something called "SUPER KIDS", and that it was freaky as shit... she said this kinda sleazy guy introduced these kids who would lift heavy things after they'd posed and flexed as though they were in some kind of bodybuilding contest. She said it was really creepy - especially since these 'musclemen' were usually very young boys - the one time she'd watched, she said the oldest kid was only 10 - the youngest was 5. She said the 5 year old had lifted a Cadillac over his head and pressed it for reps... the 10 year old lifted a bulldozer with one hand - and curled it as though it were a 10-pound dumbbell.

We called the local WB affiliate where the show aired, and requested some tapes of past episodes... when they arrived, it was indeed as freaky as Val had said... if drugs were involved, though, it certainly WASN'T any kind of steroid, that's for sure.

We staked out the director and host of the show - a father/son team, Bill and Gary Ross. Both seemed to be relatively clean, though Gary had spent a lot of time out of the country... according to the passport office, he'd been in various locales in the South Pacific in the past year or so... perhaps that was the clue we needed...

Then, on last night's show, we got a break - an unexpected break. The host, Gary Ross came on the air in the last ten minutes of the show, he made a dramatic entrance in posing briefs, spot lit from above... in previous shows, he'd been a normal guy, but now, suddenly, he was this mammoth muscleman of titanic proportions... he proceeded to do a quickie posing routine, then the camera pulled in to a waist-up shot, and Ross talked to the camera, where he 'came clean', explaining that the kids shown in previous eps had all been given a drug, a drug derived from a variation of sugar cane that grew on a remote island in the South Pacific. He explained how he made the drug, how he'd tested it on south sea islanders, how he and his dad had been injecting these kids with the drug - only with their parents approval (of course!), and that now they were going to offer this drug to any child who was tired of being bullied, who was less than their best physically, and those that may have some physical handicaps - as, he claimed, there was evidence that this drug would 'cure' or at the very least, overcome various neuromuscular diseases - polio, MD, MS, Parkinson's, etc. Then he had the balls to give contact info!

We were immobilized immediately. Upon arrival at the offices for the show on the Metro lot, the whole crew was there, having a champagne celebration over the downing of their web server and the overwhelmed phone trunk lines... I walked in with agents from the FCC and FDA.

"Gary Ross, Bill Ross, you're both under arrest for the unlawful distribution of an untested, unapproved drug." I said, flashing my badge, and continuing Mirandizing them...

Before I continue, I gotta say, when we walked in, there were three giant men in the office - one of them was Gary Ross - I had no idea who the other two were, but they weren't kids - evidently, they were gay though, as they were all over each other (and Gary Ross too), not that it makes any difference... but I gotta admit, even though I typically don't care for the overly-muscled types - the physiques on these men were a huge turn-on... it was going to be a shame to put them behind bars...

A little guy, who looked a lot like Danny DeVito, piped up - "You ain't takin' us anywhere, Dorks..." says he, "...my son and his friends will see to that!" With that, he handed a syringe to each of the three musclemen... with a speed that was literally 'quicker than the eye' the three of us were overwhelmed by the three of them... all given shots... and almost immediately, we began to change...

I can't speak for the other two agents, I only know how I felt - it was the most amazing sensation I've ever experienced. After the biggest of the three guys (whose name I didn't yet know) injected me with the drug, I immediately had a hot flash. While I was recovering from the hot flash I immediately popped a woody - one that just kept getting bigger and bigger and bigger... it felt as though it was going to explode, but it wasn't painful - it felt better than anything I've ever felt in my life!

Now, I'm not an exhibitionist, in fact, when it comes to sex, I'm pretty shy - I like it with the lights off, not on... and sex or a b/j in a public place? Forget it! Never happen with me - though I've had plenty of opportunities. However, the boner I was dealing with was so amazing that I just whipped it right out of my slacks, and started jackin' away... forget that there were 10 or so others in the room... when I started jacking, I noticed that not only was my meat getting physically larger, but so was the rest of me... I first noticed that my jacket was tight; we wear these baggy windbreakers with ATF stenciled on the back - and I'd already stretched mine to the breaking point... my shirt collar had already exploded, popping my tie's seams, causing it to fall to the floor... my belt broke, my pants popped their seams... and all the while I was jerking away on my mammoth meat... I was hornier than I'd been at any time in my life, but the constrictions of my clothing were starting to be a bother, so I stopped jacking and began ripping my clothes off... while I was doing that, I noticed the other two agents were going through roughly the same thing I was... and they both looked GOOD - DAMN GOOD... the other three big guys in the room were sitting back and watching this spectacle with obvious delight... I took one look at the biggest guy - the one who gave me the shot, and couldn't help myself... I HAD to have that man! I leaped across the two or three feet separating us, and grabbed on to his mammoth pecs... he responded in kind... we were on the floor almost immediately as I ripped his clothes from his body...

Like I said, I'm not an exhibitionist, nor am I into group sex, but let me tell you - that 'bust' that went so wrong, so wonderfully wrong - was the most amazing night I'd had in over 20 years... not since my 21st birthday when my best friends got together and rented a professional bodybuilder 'escort' for my enjoyment had I had such a time... the six of us - the muscle studs that is, quickly reduced the office to shambles... the regular folks that had been in attendance all left at some point... I couldn't begin to tell you who they were, or when they left - I was that absorbed in getting my rocks off.

I do vaguely remember at one point three armed police officers (who'd been participating in our 'bust') coming in to see what the delay was... they too were promptly overcome, given injections and joined the party...

Hours later, and I do mean hours - like three or four, we'd all pretty much been satisfied... our three original musclemen had long since abandoned us and left - leaving the six of us law-enforcement officers to finish ourselves off in the frenzy that always coincides with an injection of this drug...

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What, you may be asking yourself, became of the uncontrolled substance, the FDA/ATF's case against the Ross' family, and the show, "SUPER KIDS"? Not a damn thing... the FDA saw fit to drop the charges, thanks to the testaments of it's agent, the ATF didn't pursue the matter thanks to me, and the show is now #1 in the Nielsen's - has been for the past 15 years.

Oh, the show has gone through quite a few changes over the years, it's now called "SUPER FOLKS", and while they do still occasionally do a show with kids, most of it is done with adults - the immediate after-effects of the drug are, of course, edited out. Interestingly though, the fact that the drug affects sexuality - turning the recipient into a homosexual, doesn't seem to be a problem with those who are interested in the drug.

There have been two lawsuits against the producers of the show - filed on behalf of previously very hetero men by their hetero partners. The suits were dismissed, due to the disclaimer all participants are required to sign - stating that for hetero individuals, they would almost assuredly become homosexual. The men in question had agreed to the injections because their women were intrigued by the amazing baskets shown on the TV show by the "after" shots... these women (along with their husbands/boyfriends), were so confident in their significant other's sexuality that they believed there was no way a change would be made... in effect, that their partners would be immune... to date, no one has been immune to the effects of the drug.

Not surprisingly, there are few women who've elected to take the drug... almost 98% of the drug's recipients to date have been men, and of those, roughly 80% have been heterosexual... no one really knows what, exactly, to make of that statistic...

There is one interesting statistic to mention here though... in the now 15 years of the show's run, and of the thousands of men, women and children who've been given the drug, there have been a few recipients who've tried to mate... either in the conventional manner, or via artificial insemination - the results, unfortunately have an alarming rate of fatality amongst the females with which pregnancy results... only female transforms (or 'supes' as the vernacular goes), will survive the pregnancy, birth is almost always by Caesarian, due to the exceptional birth weight of the child - usually betwen 18 and 22lbs. - the resulting child will have a 90% chance of being male, and of those born from such unions to date, 100% of them have been homosexual, whether gay or lesbian, their homosexuality usually manifests itself by the age of 7 or 8 - these children have the same super-musculature and strength as their parents!

Many of the 'Religious Right' have filed lawsuits to stop this 'ungodly procreation' as they call it - but there are enough people in national, state and local governments (and courts) who've become transforms that the chances of any such lawsuit succeeding is virtually nil.

The only negative effect in all of this is that the strength sports - bodybuilding, power-lifting and WSM have all but gone bust... bodybuilding still exists, but only as a sort of size competition amongst the biggest of the big transforms... you see, not everyone gains mass along the lines detailed here... some people have only gotten minimal gains - there is no advantage to taking higher or multiple doses, the end result will always be the same... whatever amount of muscle the drug can put on is all it will put on - no more, no less... regardless of the dosage.

EPILOGUE: Gary Ross, Dave Turillo (the cameraman), Roger Lewis (the lighting guy), Will Johnson (me - the ATF Agent), Hank Sorenson (a bud of Dave and Roger's - they met on the grapevine one afternoon), and John Lawson (a friend of Hank's and the kid that Dave and Roger witnessed getting shot-up that first day on the job) have joined together in a group home... the six of us equally enjoy our partner's company, it's an unconventional group relationship for six very unconventional men! Bill Ross, the Danny DeVito look-alike (and Gary's dad), finally took the drug, largely so he'd no longer be compared to Danny DeVito - the period for which he wasn't compared to DeVito was short-lived though, as shortly after his dosage, the actor took the drug too!

The End •