During high school I made slow but steady progress in weightlifting. Occasionally I would go through a period of excellent gains in size and strength, but more often it was a steady crawl upward. I was satisfied, though, and by senior year of high school I had built a pretty decent physique, and one that I felt was quite strong as well. I weighed about 160 lbs, and maxed out on bench at 315. All this was done relatively naturally, having only used some creatine and andro a few times, as well as some protein supplements.

By my freshman year of college, I considered myself to be a relatively good sized guy with a lot of strength. I weighed about 165 lbs and maxed out around 325 on bench. I was a lot stronger than I looked, and in a way I liked that. I liked being able to surprise people with my strength. But by January of that year, I was getting sick of staying at the same weight. Additionally, my strength had plateaued, and I was getting frustrated with my lack of progress.

It was right around that time that I was introduced to one of my old girlfriends' new boyfriend. Through some source I had heard that he sold steroids, so I decided to talk to him about it. We met at a diner one night, talked over it, went over some prices, and by the end of the conversation I was sold. I agreed on 10 amps of Sustanon for 200, 10 pins at a dollar a piece, and a box of clomid for the end of the cycle. Keep in mind, though, that this decision was not made in that one night; I had read about steroids on and off for years, and the past month I had spent countless hours at my computer reading EVERYTHING I could on them. I knew Sustanon 250 to be an excellent steroid, especially for beginners, and had already planned out how I wanted to do it and what I would need. This was not an uneducated decision; I knew the pros and cons, and felt confident in what I was doing.

When I actually received the amps and pins I felt like a kid on Christmas morning; I was bursting with excitement. They were ten little Russian Sustanon 250 amps; the kind with a white paper label, blue ink, and 'CYCTAHOH' written on them. They looked absolutely beautiful to me, and felt almost magical in my hands. Driving home I felt like I wanted to pull my car over and stick myself right on the side of the road. But I waited; in fact I waited a whole two days until monday hit, the day I had scheduled to start my cycle.

When monday came I was excited still, but nervous as well. I was used to getting injections, due to allergy shots and things like inoculations and such, but that was from trained medical professionals. I had read all I could on how to do it, but was still worried that I would screw up somehow. There was no turning back, though. I took an amp out of my little plastic bag, filed it around the neck with a knife, and popped the top off with the barrel of a pen. Loading it into the pin proved harder that I thought (it was actually a pain in the ass) but eventually I got every last drop in.

I had chosen to hit myself in the thigh so I could see what I was doing, and my hand was shaking as I held the needle over it. I braced myself, held my breath, and jabbed the pin into my thigh. It slid smoothly in, breaking the skin almost effortlessly. For a moment I just sat there, syringe protruding from my thigh, fully realizing what I was doing. Then I pressed down and watched as the oily liquid passed into my thigh. Watching it go into my thigh was a rush; the whole procedure was a rush, and afterwards I felt amazing. Nothing physical of course, but the mental aspect of the whole ordeal was overwhelming. It was honestly like a high, an indescribable euphoria. It took about two weeks for the Sus to really kick in, but once it did I felt it. My weight started going up, and my strength shot through the roof. Every workout was better than the last. I felt great in the gym, and the gains were like when I was a beginner.

I became more accustomed to doing the injections, though some went worse than others. Sometimes I would get a great one, where it would go in easily and painlessly and I wouldn't be too sore the next day; other times it would suck, and I would end up sore for two or three days. But the gains made up for it all; the feeling of continually getting stronger and bigger was all it took to make it all worthwhile. The ten Sus lasted me around eight weeks, and afterwards I finished up with clomid for three weeks, one pill a day.

My weight went up about 10 pounds, not too much, but enough to get noticed (I'm not really a big gainer anyway). What really skyrocketed was my strength, especially on the bench. In the beginning I was using 255 for about 9 reps, maybe 10 on a good day. By the end of my cycle I was doing 295 for 10 solid reps. My deadlift also shot up, to a high of around 415, and everything else, shoulders, bis, tris, etc., went through the roof as well. All in all, I was extremely pleased with the results.

Additionally, my side effects were minimal. I had a few zits on my chest and back, but not even enough to be considered acne. I was more irritable at times, but never to the point of anything approaching 'roid rage'. If anything, my mood during the cycle was improved; I felt pretty good just about all the time. My balls did shrink, but the clomid took care of that. Other than that, I had nothing to complain about. I made solid gains, and even managed to keep almost all of them. I lost a few pounds during the summer, but that was inevitable. My strength also decreased a little, but only about a rep or two, and only on my heaviest sets. Overall, I was extraordinarily pleased with the results I had attained with Sus. There were, of course, down sides to using the Sus. For me, a big one was no longer being able to call myself 'natural'. For a while I prided myself on being so strong without ever having used anabolic steroids. Now that I've taken them, I can no longer claim that without lying. Of course I lie about it to certain people, but the truth is always with me. It's nothing I regret though. I enjoyed being natural, but I think I hit a point where I needed some sort of chemical intervention to really give myself a boost. I felt it was time for me to experiment.

It was also exciting to have entered an entirely new world. No matter how much I knew or read about steroids before, I was still just an outsider; after my Sus cycle, I was on the inside. I felt a little like I was part of an exclusive club, with a language and group of members all its own. Just as taking up lifting brings you into a new world, so does using anabolic steroids. It's not a big deal or anything, but it is something to think about. Whether or not you like or associate with the people who use steroids, keep in mind that in at least one respect they are your peers.

A final thought to consider is the addictive side of steroids. While steroids aren't physically addicting, mentally it can be a HUGE addiction. The desire and craving for them can be just as bad as any physical sense of longing you've ever felt. Once you do one cycle, you're likely to want to do another one. In fact, I don't know anyone who has ever managed to only do one cycle. That doesn't mean you'll be using them for life, but chances are you'll experiment a few times, as have I.

I used some deca and primo during the summer after my first cycle, and I'm currently on winstrol and some more Sus. The deca and primo were decent, and the winstrol and Sus is turning out very nicely. But so far, nothing has matched the intensity and rush of my first cycle. Maybe physically my body just needs to slow down its rate of advancement; maybe it's an entirely mental state that can never be achieved again. Whatever it is, it's probably better this way. If every time I used anabolic steroids felt as good as that first shot, I might never want to stop." •