It wasn't till I was a bag boy at a local supermarket that I was first introduced to steroids. I had a buddy from the gym that would bring them to me when I was at work. He'd bring me Anavars. This guy is now working with Hollywood on getting one of his comic books made into a movie. I felt I was getting huge. I loosened the inseam of the sleeves of my work shirt. It looked like the sleeves that Lou Ferrigno use to wear in the Incredible Hulk episodes. Until one day I over heard this girl one day tell this guy: 'how big does this guy think he is tearing his sleeves that way?' Man I was embarrassed. Never wore that shirt again. I was weighing a massive 120! Boy that was a reality call. All it did was motivate me to up the dosage, Anavar and Deca. I had thoughts of contests. I didn't do one till I was in 10th grade.

I actually didn't look that bad considering I had no idea what the hell I was doing. In those days one could walk into the pharmacy and get what ever you wanted. A bottle of Anadrol was 80 bucks. I never bought one because I thought it was too expensive. Last I heard if you have a script for one you're lucky if you get it from $700 - $1000.

The cycles were getting the better of my temper and I started getting into arguments with my dad and my mom thought it best that I move to California with my sister. I was in heaven. Rubbing elbows with the pro's. I started training in this gym called the Powersource. It was a small setup but it worked. I remember the whole gym wasn't very leveled and you had to place your dumbells just right if not they'd roll away. It took me a while to get adjusted to doing squats there, I felt I was going to fall forward. The owner had warned me about this one very large dude he had banned from the gym. He used to intimidate the smaller guys, tell them to get done with the equipment because he was going to start working on it. The guys name was Victor Richards.

I would drive all the way down to Santa Monica to get motivated just watching the real big guys training at Worlds & Golds Gym. I felt like a little kid walking into Toys R Us. I was so hungry for bodybuilding I could taste it. I breathed, ate, walked it. I remember waking up at 2am to squeeze in an extra meal. In this sport you need to in order to succeed. That's about the time I thought that everything took 2nd place to bodybuilding, including relationships. If she didn't understand my ways it was the highway for her. Whenever it was close to contest time I would always break it off with whichever girlfriend I had. I felt she was holding back my progress. I couldn't really go out Friday and Saturday nights cause I would have to get up early to train. Besides I felt small not getting my 8 hrs. I guess I took it all to the limit cause I was always never really genetically gifted.

As time went on and I got older like everything else I lost that zeal for keeping my diet as strict. I started hanging out with guys that believed eating Mcdonalds by the bagfuls was the way to getting some good size. More like good sides. My weight got up to 272! I was strong but couldn't get myself to take my shirt off in public. I was embarrassed to take my shirt off in front of a girl when we would get intimate. I remember one day a girl asked me to show her my abs before we did it and I refused. To make a long story short we wound up not doing it.

I got my head back straight and decided to compete again about 3 years ago. Came in as a lightheavy. My mistake was letting myself get too heavy in the off season. Couldn't tighten up the way I wanted. I needed another 2 months. I was on Growth and thought that 10 weeks would suffice. Seeing some of these guys come in really tight gave me the incentive to keep myself from getting so heavy in the off season. Just this last December I started training with a pro. he's been a great help. I decided to get ready for a show this August. I've changed my training somewhat and eating.

My mentality back then was dieting very strictly and training almost to the point of over-training. We're keeping our sets to 9-12 and so far I haven't had a hunger pain yet. I started dropping weight in December. I was 250 at about 20% bodyfat. I really got zealous with wanting to get the weight off and found myself down to 205 with a 8% bodyfat. Looking pretty smooth and the muscles did not look full at all.

I was on a mission. I upped my dosage from 400 mg of Tes weekly to 1500, 500 Deca, EQ 50 mg every other day and 9 IU's of Growth Hormone w/ insulin daily. My physique has transformed completely. My bodyweight is now at 228 with a bodyfat of 5.8%. From the point I was at 205 I started the Growth. Every night, without exaggerating, I would go to the local pizza joint and have a large pizza with a cheesecake. I'd wake up tighter and the veins were out. My training partner is still in awe with the changes that my body has made eating the way I have been. I'm about 3 months away and very glad I decided to lean out with ample time to eat and actually get bigger in the process.

I know that the big dosages have been a great contributor to the positive changes that I've made. Everyone has nothing but positive things to say. if you want to take the #s the pro's take you're looking at atleast 2000 mg of Tes minimum for starters. And a lot of anabolics keeping the androgens to a minimum. Anti-estrogens help a lot, Clenbuterol taken with some kind of T3 or T4 (thyroids) harden you up, 8-10 weeks of cycling just doesn't cut it. I've been on nonstop now for over a year, changing drugs ever so often depending on how toxic the steroid may be.

Personally I'm ready to give my body and mind a rest. Especially the pin cushion I used to call a butt. Some people call this sport excessive, I call it doing what it takes to succeed in your chosen goal. Some people kill themselves, figuratively, for less rewarding things. My body and my appearance has enabled me to enjoy and see things that otherwise I wouldn't have had the opportunity to experience. There are set backs to living such a restrictive and disciplined life, but I would not have traded for any other life." •