During the summer between my 8th and 9th grade years I started taking an interest in weight training. I realized that I was a very fortunate kid. Both my parents were avid weight lifters and had been for about 10 years . So we always had a very nutritious meal for breakfast,lunch and dinner plus the added benifit of getting woken up every morning to go on a 5 mile run. I continued to excel in football and weight training that whole year. I became faster and stronger and more physically impressive. Also I began to get quite the ego. So it is now that the story begins to get interesting. After football was wrestling and I continued to weight train and wrestle.

I was feeling pretty confidant in my athletic ability. Then, the worst thing that could ever happen happened. It was early in the season and I went up against this 11th grader, we will call him Joe. Joe was an incredible wrestler and had athelitic ability that was unmatched. I found that out 24 seconds into our first match. I was embaressed and humiliated to my core. I went into the locker room after my ego crushing defeat and threw a tantrum. I couldnt believe that I was beaten so quickly and that this guy was so strong.

I increased the intensity of my workouts and the frequency. I was waking up at 4:30 am to go running. At 5:00am, ran to the gym, worked out for 2 hours then to school. Then after practice I headed back to the gym for an hour before going home to repeat the process all over again. This went on for the rest of the year; so did the seven more demoralizing defeats at the hands of 'Joe'. Sometimes I hung in there for a while, but it was always a painful beating. I couldn't beat this genetic freak for the life of me.

Towards the end of my 9th grade year I had also plateau'd. I couldnt break any barriers on any body part. I was extremly frustrated and almost ready to just give up everything completly. My football team had begun there spring training and summer weightlifting program. I remember being in the high school gym and almost crying because I couldnt get any stronger or faster. That is when are D-line coach pulled me aside for a private little talk. He said he admired my dedication and determination, but I wasnt going to get any stronger on my own. He told me he 'could help me get bigger, faster, and become an over all better athlete.' He said that if I trained with him ('and did everything he said') I would even be able to beat Joe next year.

Well, everything he said already had me sold but it was the 'beat Joe' that closed the deal. About a week later he handed me a bunch of pills that were called stenox (I later found out was halotestin). He instructed me to take 4 pills in the morning after breakfast and 4 pills in the evening after dinner. I also had to swear that he never gave me these 'special' vitamins and I couldn't tell anyone that I was taking them not even my brother who was a year younger than me. That if I took these every day for 4 weeks I would become faster and stronger.

Well, sure enough the barriers disappeared; by the time school started the following year I went from a 4.51 to a 4.42 in the 40 yard dash. I increased my weight in every body part anywhere between 20 lbs to 40 lbs and had put on about 25lbs of muscle before wrestling. I continued my 'cycle' into my 10th grade year with intervals of 4 weeks on 4 weeks off. I ended up going all league that year as a free safety on Varsity after being brought up from the JV program. I had a new sense of confidance in my self and it was all due to my 'special' vitamins and raw determination to succeed.

I never got a chance to beat Joe because I wrestled two weight classes above him. He was wrestling 145's and I was wrestling 160's. I ended up going to state that year and placed 3rd. Our old buddy Joe had his ribs broke in a match and watched ME wrestle from the sidelines his senior year. I continued to play football and wrestle all through high school and by becoming more impressive, I met more and more hot girls.

At the end of my 11th grade year I had a couple D-1 schools interested in me as an athlete. I had tried to have sex with every girl I could and had also tried to beat up every friend I had. I also managed to try more 'special' vitamins which by now I knew were not vitamins but preformance enhancing anabolic steroids. The likes by now had included halotestin, andriol and the ever loving injectables, Sten, Sustanon250, Primatestin, and good ole Depo Test.

I had entered high school 5'4 130 lbs with 9% body fat and at the beginning of my 11th grade year was clocking in at 5'10 190 at 7% body fat. Not only had I added 50 pounds of muscle onto my frame I had slashed my body fat by 2%; which may not seem like much to the average person, but is extremly difficult to do at those percentiles. I also began to figure out that I was always irritated and angry beyond the field or mat. My personal life had become effected. My relationships with family and friends were becoming more bothersome; those close to me were pissing me off. I couldnt keep a girlfriend for longer than 2 months and all my friends began distancing themselves.

I had also been talking a lot to my father and grandfather about my plans after high school. I guess it was always assumed that I would go to a university and play ball. So it came as a big suprise when I enlisted in the Marines. I didn't do any steroids my senior year and decided to train more on endurance as upposed to strength. I graduated high school at 175lbs on Friday the 12th of June, 1992 and left for boot camp 2 days later on Sunday the 14th.

I can almost guarantee that everyone knew I was on steroids during high school by the look in their eyes when I came home from boot camp weighing a whopping 168 lbs. During this time I had actually just begun to notice how scrawny I looked and was very disturbed by this. I sunk into a deep, deep depression. In my duldrums I fantasized about being buffed again and thought 'I can't do steroids for 4 years' and I was going to be this wiry little laughing-stalk that no chics wanted.

I went back to base at Camp Pendleton, CA. and put all my free time into the gym. After about 6 months and minimal gains one of my Sgt's came up to me and started talking to me about weightlifting after he saw that I had extensive knowledge on the subject (and the stretchmarks to boot) he felt I was trustworthy. So one weekend we drove down to Ensenada, Mexico and walked into a 'pharmacia' and purchased 100 'sticks' of Sustonon250, primabolin, lasix, nolvadex, depo test, anadrol50, equipoise, and D-bol. A stick is a 1cc preloaded syringe.

You could not begin to believe the look on my face when we walked out of that 'pharmacia'. I had asked the seargant if the marine corps test for steroids and he told me that testing was too expensive and as long as I wasn't 'an idiot with a big mouth' I could get away with it. Besides, the marines want huge, savage, killing machines. The next problem I thought I would face was bringing it across the border. Well, not to give anyone any ideas, but if your in the military the border patrol hardly messes with you. I was in the buisness of getting big once again.

It took about a 6 months for me to get back up to 190 lbs, but for some reason it seemed to come on fairly easy. I had begun experimenting 'stacking' during this time steroids like Deca, Sustanon250, and Dianabol. I was injecting 600 mg of Deca a week and 500 mg of Sustanon250. Plus 40 mg of D-bol a day. I had also gotten my hands on some I.U's of HGH (human growth hormone). I quickly went from 190lbs to 230lbs in a matter of months.

I went to several countries while in the marines and was able to find something somewhere everywhere I went. When I was in Thailand I picked up about 2000 pinkies (dianabol) and shipped them from our carrier directly to my brother who had followed a little closer in my footsteps than I would have wanted and was now playing ball for a PAC 10 school. When I was stateside I would go into Mexico and purchase what could be called a 'shitload' of steroids and then drive them to my brother who was becoming the big man on campus (literally). He in turn would sell them and thats how he financed his college education; quite comfortably I might add. Well, this went on for a couple years and I became more knowledgable in the art of 'juicing'. I learned about stacking and cycles how long to be on each different drug how long to be off; what works best for adding mass or cutting body fat.

I have taken everything from anadrol 50 to Clenbuterol. I am now 27 years old. I have been taking steroids for 11 years. I am currently a firefighter with a dept in a CA city. Do I have steroids to thank for this? Probably not. But I am also a 27 year old that has high blood pressure for the rest of my life and a stomach that doesnt properly digest the food I eat. I also have a metabolism that when not on some kind of steroid or supplement moves at the pace of pond water. Do I have steroids to thank for that? Probably.

I am currently 6'0 240 lbs at 13% body fat I have 19.5"arms, a 52" chest and a 34"waist, 21" neck and 28"quads. I am sure your all thinking, 'what's this guy bitching about? He's a big boy.' Now let me tell you the cost of all this: I had a girlfriend that meant the world to me. I loved her with all my heart and wanted to marry her. I even gave up steroids for her and even quit working out with the zeal that I had become accustomed to. I also went from 220 lbs with 10% body fat to 270lbs with a 24% bodyfat. You may be asking yourself, 'I thought you lose muscle and weight when you stop doing steroids?' Well, your half right. You definatly lose muscle mass but when your body has become accustomed to eating 3000 to 5000 calories a day and working out two hours in the morning and two hours in the evening 6 days a week for the last 11 years.You can't just stop. Your metabolism begins to slow down naturally as you get older usually around 25.

When you stop training and keep eating the way your used to, you tend to replace muscle with fat hence the weight gain. I unfortunatly in my fattened state blamed my girlfriend for my newfounded condition and became very hurtful and mean to her. She like any good girl took as much of my shit as she could then when enough was enough she left me. At first I was traumatized and then angry. I went back into the gym with a hellbent vengeance and yes I went back to taking steroids and growth hormones. Within 6 months of intense training and dieting I regained my physique. But as the saying goes 'you cant have your cake and eat it too.'

I guess this is where I am supposed to say I regret taking steroids and I wish coach never got me started and yadi yah yadi yah. Well Im not. I think that everyone has to make there own choices in life and sometimes you have to pay the price for your choices. Have steroids taken years off my life and caused me health problems? Maybe. I made my own choices in life and vanity and my shear desire to be better than anyone else had alot to do with it. I will not tell anyone what they should or shouldn't do. The best advice I can offer is know exactly what your getting your self into. Know that you are making a life commitment to working out and eating strict. You may very well be making sacrafices and hurting the people that you love. If you can't do that I would suggest not taking any steroid or growth hormone. But on the other hand if you are willing to make those commitments and sacrafices. Find out everything and anything you can about whatever steroid you choose to use. I would recommend staying away from growth hormone because not only does it cost an arm and a leg if your not precise on your I.U (international units) dosages you can end up damaging your thyroid and killing yourself. Like anything too much can harm you and cause irreversable damage. If taken in moderation it can be very helpful in your quest for the ultimate body. I have never regreted taking steroids or growth hormones. I do regret hurting the people that were closest to me.

Know that there are benifits and consequences to using anabolic steroids and growth hormones. The benifit for me was looking good and feeling good the consequences were that I've hurt and alienated the people that care the most about me. I cannot say that steroids were worth what they ultimately ended up costing me. If in your own personal equation the benifits out weigh the consequences then educate yourself and begin your endeavor. If you know you are the kind of person that gets pissed off in commuter traffic and wants to kill someone. Then steroids will only magnify that feeling by 100 times. Therefore the consequences will far outweigh the benifits and its best you stay away from them. Whatever choice you make please think it through extensively." •