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Good Freak, The
Jack measured me today so I thought I'd record some of it here. Waist: 28 inches Chest: 45 inches Upper arm: 17 inches Penis (he didn't really measure this, but here it is): 8 � inches (Half an inch in three months! Shit!)
I've decided to keep two journals. One just for me, and one for Jack. He looked kind of disappointed today that he couldn't figure out what's going on with me. Three months gone, I'm still growing bigger for no reason. He said it's not glandular, whatever that means. And he said my tests all show I'm normal, again whatever that means. I guess it means I'm not abnormal, which is good. I don't feel abnormal.
Except maybe all the jerking off. Jack always asked a lot of questions about that, which made me think I was weird. He kept asking about me swallowing my sperm, like that was weird so I wonder if it is. It's not like I'm going to ask Paul or Jerry or Tim about that, especially if it's weird. But I can't help it, I like it. It's like I haven't really cum unless I swallow it.
The first time it happened was an accident, I don't even remember when. It was right after I discovered what my dick could do besides pee. It was really dark in the room and I thought I pissed on myself because this warm wet stuff was all over my belly suddenly, so I reached down to see what happened and this sticky stuff was on my fingers and I just licked it off. I smelled it first and it wasn't pee so I licked it and it was salty and tasted good. So whatever. He asked if I always swallow it and I said mostly I did. Is that weird? He asked for a sperm sample again so I guess I should add that one to my daily jerk-off tally.
He said my growth isn't accelerating, but it's not slowing either. I keep getting steadily bigger. I wonder what I'll look like next summer. School's out next week. My dad's going off on some business trip for three months, something in Europe. I asked if I could go but he said no. He said Aunt Beth would check in on me over the summer, but she's such a flake I bet I'll just be here alone, bored, with nothing to do.
Paul and me have been hanging out again. Jerry's pissed. But fuck him, excuse my French. Paul comes over almost every afternoon and we've been dancing! It's so cool, so fun. I didn't know how much I missed that part of my life, me and Paul.
He's kissed me again, a couple of times. I almost wish he'd do it more. Which makes me think maybe I'm gay, but I don't feel gay. Do you feel gay? Does it feel different when you turn gay? I feel exactly the same, except that, well, lately when my dick starts getting hard and pushing against my pants, and I forgot to mention that I'm just wearing sweatpants now to be safe. No more popping zippers in class for me. And I'm getting hard-ons a lot more and they're a lot stronger, too. I bet I'd be going through a pair of pants a day if I was still wearing them. Anyway, when I get hard it's usually Paul's fault. I'll just be sitting there not thinking about anything and suddenly I'm thinking about him. About us dancing, and I start to get hard and lately my dick is leaking something that tastes like sperm but it isn't white.
I was worried about it but Jack said that was normal. So if everything's normal, why am I so big?
Paul's coming over tonight, later when it's dark. I told him may dad's out of town this weekend and he asked if he could come over and I said sure.
May 31 6-7 � 224 lbs.
See my weight? I've never gained two pounds in a single day, before. I wonder what I ate to explain that.
But how do I explain what happened last night? How do I explain what I feel about it? Do I even know what I feel about it?
Paul showed up at around 10. It was a really warm night with a warm breeze and all the windows were open. I was beginning to think he wasn't coming so I wasn't wearing anything but a pair of boxers to try to keep cool. I'd jerked off a couple of time since getting home from school, the heat does that to me, makes me feel really horny for some reason. And then I heard him on the path and he's knocking on the front door.
He was wearing shorts and a tank top. I've been noticing what he wears all the time now. When I opened the door he sort of put his hand on his chest like he's having a heart attack and told me I shouldn't open the door in my underwear without a warning. I sort of laughed. I grabbed him by the front of his shirt and pulled him in and for some reason, I kissed him. I wanted to kiss him so I did. He smelled sweaty. He probably had been running, he's been doing that a lot. It was sort of sexy, I guess. Anyway he made my heart race just looking at him, and he kissed me back and put his hand behind my head and sort of grabbed my hair and that was hot, too.
Next thing I know he had his shirt off and we were laying on the carpet in the front room and we kissed and his hands were on me and mine were on his and we were making out in the darkness with the hot winds coming in through the windows. Every time some headlights shown across the wall I tensed up, I couldn't believe we were doing this. But Paul was so cool, and he kept calming me, whispering to me, he was so cool.
He kissed me all over. I was so getting off on it. My dick was stretching longer and harder than ever, leaking that clear cum on my shorts and then Paul started jerking me off! He reached down while we kissed and pushed his hand under my shorts and started stroking me really good, saying stuff like `I knew you were huge' and `You feel so hard and hot' and his voice was turning me on in a major way and I came all over the place, squirting it all over his hand and between us and on the carpet.
And I took his hand up and started sucking my sperm off his hand and at first his eyes just bulged that I was doing it and then he was licking it off, too, and smiling and really getting into that. Then he was hard and he rolled over and undid his shorts and pushed them down and his dick was hard and he started to stroke himself as I watched and I said, and I still can't believe I said this, but I said, `can I suck it?'
So he nodded, his face was pinched and I knew he was close so I grabbed that hard-on and like nothing I just stuck it in my mouth and started to suck on it, because I'd always wished I could do this to myself, to get all my cum in my mouth instead of always licking it off my hand or whatever. I loved it, the taste of the cum, and I wanted to feel it squirting into my mouth.
I was right, he was close when I started, and only a few seconds later I felt his dick get bigger, which I didn't know happened before you cum, and I felt him squirting into my mouth and I started to swallow it all and suck even harder. His cum tasted different from mine, which surprised me, but I still loved the taste and feeling it filling my mouth and feeling it go down my throat.
Paul was totally blown away, no pun intended. He's like `have you ever done that before?' and I go `no of course not, I've never done anything else with anyone, no one's even seen me naked except Jack,' and he goes, `who the hell is Jack?' all suspicious and I go `Dr. Donaldson. What are you, jealous or something?' and he starts to laugh and he leans up and kisses me on the mouth and goes `I haven't actually seen you naked if we're being honest, Kev' and I said `you've seen me naked lots of times,' and he said `not since you've started becoming so amazing and huge, Kev. I've been trying to avoid it' and I'm like, `why?' and he goes `because I knew if I did I'd get a boner and then everyone would know I was in love with you.'
He just said it like that. So I asked him, `are you, Paul?' And he nodded and looked serious like he just gave himself away, like what we just did hadn't already done that, so I said, `how do you know?' and he goes, `because I just do. I feel it inside when I look at you. I feel it deeper when I'm with you. And I feel it even deeper now.' And he was totally serious, and I thought about it and started to wonder if I felt that way about him, too. And I started to say something but he said, `so, do I get to see you naked, too, or is Jack the only guy in town who gets that privilege?'
I was going to say something about every guy on the football team sees me naked almost every day, but instead I stood up and took off my shorts and stood there. Another set of headlights came through the open window and went across me, so he could see me pretty clearly and I heard him make a noise or say something but it wasn't clear. Then he stood up and kicked off his shorts and looked at me like I was on sale or something, which made me feel both weird and excited.
Then he goes, `Jesus Kev, I didn't know you were�' and I go `so freaky?' and he said, `so beautiful.' And I was like, `shut up, Paul.' But he was serious. `Have you really looked at yourself' he said, standing in front of me. And I said `only every day. I have to shave you know.' And he said, `but do you look at yourself?' And I said, `I don't know what you mean.'
So he took my hand in his, and his was really warm and soft, and we went upstairs to my dad's room where there was a full length mirror and he turned on the lights and we walked over to it and he sort of positioned me in front of it and stood behind me and we both looked at me, and at first I just felt embarrassed. I was so big! I looked like a freak! It was the guy I always saw, but after a minute I looked at Paul's face in the mirror and saw his eyes and it was weird, because when I looked back at myself it was like seeing me as he saw me, and I have to admit that for the first time in my life I liked what I saw.
I was always treated like a freak because I was so big. My muscles and my strength were embarrassing, something I was supposed to hide and not show off so I could be normal. But looking at me now, with Paul, I saw someone different, someone amazing. He wrapped his arms around me from behind, across my chest, and said `look how beautiful you are, Kev. Look how strong and powerful you look. You're beautiful.' And I thought, for the first time ever, he was right.
I mean, I don't think I'm beautiful or anything. I have this stupid curly hair and my lips are so big and I'm so white! I'm like a beached whale.
And I said `I always thought I was a freak. When this started happening, when I started growing, I just wanted to hide.' And he said, `is that why you don't work out anymore? I never see you in the weight room.' And I nodded and said, `yeah, because when I was working out I was getting so huge, so fast, that it was scary! So I stopped.'
And then he said, `you could never be too huge for me, Kev.' And he pulled my face around and kissed me again, and I started to think that what he said earlier, down on the carpet, looking at me, was what I felt about him too. Maybe this was love. Maybe my best friend was something more. And I started getting hard again, and he felt me between us and he looked all surprised and said, `you're not getting hard again! Not so soon!' and I said, `Is that weird?'
And he just laughed and we went over to my dad's king-sized bed and made out again, and this time he sucked my dick and I came in his mouth. And I asked him if every guy does that, swallows his own cum. And he said, `no, but every guy should.'
July 18 6-8 237 lbs.
I keep meaning to write these journal entries but it's been a very busy summer. And pretty amazing, too!
See that weight? I started working out again with Paul. And just like before, my body is overreacting. And I must be pressing Paul to work out harder or something because his gains have been amazing as well. I keep seeing Jack every week and he said he sees no reason why I shouldn't work out, He never told me not to, it was just me trying to `fit in' or whatever that made me stop. But now I wouldn't stop for anything. I'm addicted to it or something! Or my body is, anyway.
Like I said, Paul's workouts have made him a lot bigger, too. Like, a LOT bigger, and I mean everywhere. And we're having great sex all the time, too! But I'll get to that later. First I want to bring you up to speed about where I am, size-wise, and what Paul looks like, too.
Here's my current stats, according to Jack's measurements: Waist: 30 inches Chest: 48 � inches Upper arm: 18 inches Thigh: 27 inches Penis: 9 � inches (and hard, I'm 11 inches!)
It's great! I love this! I can't wait for school to start so I can show everyone what a big stud I am! A 16-year-old stud fag. And I couldn't be happier.
Paul is great! I love him so much. I know it's love because we're together all the time and I haven't wanted to beat the shit out of him yet. I knew Aunt Beth would flake. I saw her once on the day dad left and haven't seen her since. Paul stays over a lot, and if his parents have any clue what we're actually doing during his sleepovers they haven't said a thing to him.
And they never say anything about how much he's changed, either, other than commenting that his "growth spurt" has finally started and it's better that he's hanging out with me at the gym instead of drinking and taking drugs. I keep wanting to say, `that's right Mrs. Taylor, he's sucking my dick instead of a beer bottle and fucking my ass instead of shooting up, isn't that great!' because I know I think it is.
Paul's looking at me right now as I type this on the computer. He's sitting on the edge of my bed and I can see his reflection on the monitor glass. I can see his muscled body as he stretches, not knowing I can see him. I know he's thinking I should stop typing and get back over there in bed with him, but we've been going non-stop for hours and I've been feeling guilty about not keeping this thing up, so he'll just have to wait. It'll do him good and probably make his dick that much harder when I do get back in bed.
He's so amazing. I keep using that word, but he is! He's beautiful and he loves me and what a great lover. Not that I have anyone to compare him with, but I know I'm very satisfied and what with how my sex drive has been this past few weeks I'm glad he's been around.
It's like being with him flipped a switch inside. I was stroking the meat pretty often before we discovered each other, but since then I'm horny just about all the time! No shit!
Then again, maybe it's looking at him that does it. I realize now that I was always attracted to him, physically, but I didn't recognize it. I admired how he looked and thought if I was a girl I'd think he was damn cute, but now I realize that it was just me thinking he was damn cute. And he was, but now he's so much more than cute. Paul's a fucking stud muffin.
Since we started working out and being together, he's grown four inches taller. That's about an inch a week! And he's put on so much muscle I'm amazed his clothes fit as well as they do, or maybe I just appreciate the fact that they fit him so tight. Because man, when I look at him I get so hard I could rip through the strongest zipper ever created.
He's looking at me again.
Hi, journal, this is Paul. Kev's asleep behind me, looking all cute and like he could rip the whole house apart with his bare hands. I've been reading what he's written to you for about two hours. He usually locks you up for some reason. It's not like he's told you anything he hasn't told me. Maybe it's habit, and maybe I shouldn't have but you were over here glowing while we made love earlier and it was like you were watching, so I guess I just want to see what he gives to you since you can see what he gives to me.
We're both only sixteen years old. I've known Kev since he was five and I moved here. I knew I was gay from really early, and I suspected he was as well, or maybe it was just wishful thinking. He's not my first lover, and he knows that. It wasn't like I was going to come out to him until I was sure about stuff, and even after when I was I just couldn't tell him. Being gay sucks sometimes.
And then when he started changing before my eyes, becoming the most handsome guy on the planet and he was still acting like my best friend, how could I tell him I was in love with him? But it got to the point that I had to, I just couldn't keep denying who I was and what I felt, and it wasn't fair to him and I could see that I was causing him pain so I just took a chance and thank God thank God thank God I was right to trust him.
Paul snores. He'll never tell you that. Maybe that's important, but I sort of doubt it. Maybe he's just a special sort of human being. Besides being sweet and kind and loving and so beautiful, but I tell him that every day. Maybe my own recent development would have happened anyway, I know I've been working damned hard because he pushes me damned hard.
Well, not really, but he's certainly a strong incentive. He just keeps getting bigger and bigger and more handsome by the day. I wouldn't believe it if I wasn't lucky enough to watch. To have his arms around me in bed, and watch his big dick get bigger when he's aroused, which is all the time like he wrote. And I'm just as horny as him, so it works out fine.
He started talking about how big I was getting, and he started off telling you I was four inches taller so I'm an even six feet now, still a ways under Kev. But the most awesome thing is I've put on 30 pounds of muscle since June. I'm up to 198! I used to look like this puny guy, no matter what Kev says about me that first night I kissed him. I worked out like a dog but mostly only managed to get hard but not big. It's only since Kev and me have been hanging out that things finally turned around.
And let me mention that he is beautiful no matter what he thinks. That `stupid curly hair' is soft and black. His `big lips' are thick and sensual, begging to be kissed. He is pretty pale but that's because he never wants to take his shirt off like a jerk, to show off his awesome body. But we're changing that this summer. By the time I'm done with him and teach him to love himself, he won't believe what he sees when he looks in the mirror.
I think my typing is waking him up so I'll stop there.
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